The Kooliad Killers return for the summer season, ready and primed for a championship run.
The roster has been tweaked from last season as head scout Tyler has decided to leave the organization for a promising head coaching position with the Baltimore Old Bay Seasoning Boys. A superior recreational roller hockey team located in the the rain forest exhibit at the Baltimore Aquarium. Tyler was unable to be reached for comment on his new professional endeavors.
But we did managed to get a statement from Tyler's agent. "It was a good run with the Koolaid Killers for Tyler. Being the greatest plus/minus player all time was something he is very proud of. He wishes he could of played another season, and continue the legacy of the Super Negativity Line. But the opportunity of coaching for a local team in the bustling Mid Atlantic Belt-Way division was something he couldn't turn down. Tyler wishes everyone in the Koolaid Killers organization the best of luck."
In Tyler's honor a half empty can of Tecate was pour on the Skate Zone sport court. Referee John Gault wasn't very pleased by these actions.
"What the fuck? You guys better clean that shit up. I'm hammered already and don't want to slip on that insult of a beer."
Season 2 was officially underway. Coldplay was nominated as captain, since his tron Helmet made it an easy indicator of when to change lines.
"It's so much easier this season, when somebody needs a line change we just look to Coldplay and his helmet begins to flash into bright neon lines. " A pleased Stilts commented.
Led by their Captain that already has multiple hat tricks in 2 games, the Koolaid Killers are 2-0 to start the season. The new and improved line-up of Hayes and crew has helped added speed and offensive depth. Also the addition of Ed has provided security to the back end.
On Wednesday Night the Koolaid Killers fought back to win 8-6 against Home and Design a rival home and improvement team based out of Folsom. Trailing 4-2 in the second period in the closing seconds a shorthanded Coldplay dangled two opposing defecenmen which included turn-coat Eric the Sour Puss. Whom is playing for both the Koolaid Killers and Home and Design.
Coldplay's game changing goal, cut the deficit to 4-3 going into the third period.
A melting Swiss Cheese Ronda went to the bench to discuss strategy for the third period. "Guys, I don't know how much longer I can keep it up in net. The carbon dioxide in my Swiss holes are starting to expand. I know I shouldn't have left the oven on. I just wanted to bake some cupcakes for my daughter. And now this shit is happening. God fucking damn it!"
An unconcern Coldplay rallied the team together and began to sing one of his hit singles. "Guys, Guys, I used to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuule the world........"
Motivated by the words of Coldplay an inspired Koolaid Killers rallied back to tie the game 4-4, then Ronda began to fizzle in net. A loose puck behind the net, Ronda tried to play the puck, but opposing forward Blazer grabbed the puck and fired a shot off of Ronda's pads into an open net. Home and Design took a 5-4 lead with 5 minutes left.
"For some reason, I think Ronda can play the puck well. But by the time I remember he doesn't have very good puck handing skills, he usually flounders the puck to the opposing team." A baffled Chief Editor remarked about the goal.
Still undeterred by a 1 goal deficit, the Koolaid Killers took into another gear in the latter stages of the game. Coldplay carried the team on his back like a determine Yeti stomping through a blizzard in the Himalayas.
A tied game of 6-6 with 2 minutes left, a turnover by the Chief Editor led to a breakaway for Blazer all alone on Swiss Cheese Ronda. Blazer went in at full speed as the Swiss Cheese Holes in Ronda began to expand to the point, that he was in a parallel universe trying to compress his emptiness to re-enter the Earth's atmosphere. Blazer with an open net shot the puck high and off the crossbar.
Eric the new commer from the Hayes crew, whom studied at the Scores A Lot University of Hockey, put the Killers ahead with a back door goal from Mussels Marinara. Ahead for the first time since the opening goal, Coldplay put the icing on the game, by ending the game with a phenomenal break away goal. Head fake to the left, then to to to the right, Coldplay tucked the goal under the opposing goaltender's sprawling arm.
The Championship run has just begun, catch all of your Koolaid Killers games this season on Wednesday at the Flyers Dodgeball Dome. Next game is June 23 at 9pm.
Kill Koolaid Kill!
