Gather boys and girls around the warm glow of the computer monitor. I'm going to tell you the legendary story of a man that was persecuted for wearing out of date skating mechanisms. This man was of a large physique, and an even larger hockey loving heart.
He went by the name of Quad Skates, or as the locals would yell, "Quads what the hell are you doing?" Now, even though he wore older and non-inline hockey skates, he was a man not to be reckon with on the rink. His shot unpredictable, but ferocious. His speed lighting fast. His hockey sense, not the greatest. But, his character was nevre to be questioned.
Our story begins at the Flyers's Skatezone in the winter months. The exact date, it is still unclear. A super negative force of two bitter and grouchy individuals. Not to mention names, but Eric and Tyler begrudgingly outcast-ed Quads for being irresponsible on the rink. Any mistake, or wrong doing, Quads would get a ear full from the bench.
"How is a Quads going to learn, if he is constantly ostracized?" a wise flannel loving Carny commented.
"I'm sorry Quads is a nice guy, but I don't want to play with him. I just want to take penalties and soak in my misery." Eric the Sour Puss replied.
The negativity of the Super Negativity line was a force even a man with the statue of Quad's character couldn't ignore.
"Those guys just need to relax. Tyler always has this grand plan of playing the "Tyler" way, while the Sour Puss Eric is too busy arguing that I need to take more penalties." Quads observed.
It was a tough season for Quads. The Koolaid Killers exited in the semi-finals. He led the league again in an whopping 11,000 turnovers. And the manufacturer that assembled his toe-stoppers closed out of business. Quads feeling dejected and heart broken, decided to take his game to the outdoors.
The outdoor league was a morale booster for Quads, he could play like the good ole Quads way. Skate as fast as you can, and not worry about position. Quads flourished under an unconventional system, that utilized his blistering wrist shot, and the quick mobility of his toe stoppers.
But, the outdoor league turned into another obstacle. In the semi-finals, Quad's team were involved in a fight with a bunch of teenage punks. Quads on the bench, when the incident occurred kept his cool and didn't partake in the fighting. The outcome of the physical melee, caused an immediate suspensions of both teams from the league.
Quads once again, was heart broken. He loved the outdoor league, he thought he could happily retire to the outdoors and never think again of the suffering he endured while playing with the Super Negativity Line. All he could think of was Eric and Tyler screaming "Quads why are shooting on our goalie!"
Retirement was a resolution Quads thought about over the next few months. He decided to give indoor another try, and keep up his skills on the 30 and over league. On a unskilled roster, Quads became a instant super star. Even though, the team struggled to maintain a 500 record, Quads was welcomed with open arms.
With his new team, getting blown out on regular bases. Quads became frustrated with his teammates. "Its bad when I lead the team in goals, assists,+/-. playing time, and I'm still not even close to the team leader in turnovers per game. I think, I saw the one guy on our team, play with a backwards blade."
Back to present day, as of Sunday. Head GM, Swiss Cheese Ronda in a pickle of a situation, couldn't get enough guys signed up on the Koolaid Killers roster. The decision to give Quads another chance, was something not in debate. "I would take anybody at this point. I would even give the cute girl who works the score clock a tryout." Swiss Cheese Ronda farted. Innocent bystanders just collapsed from the fumes of Swiss Cheese Ronda's monstrous fart.
In the second game of the season, the Koolaid Killers were force to skate with only 4 Skaters, against the defending champions Kaos. Quads unable to get dressed in time, the Killers were on the penalty kill in the early minutes.
With the man-advantage, Kaos scored a redirected shot off of Stilts's stick that pop flied over a sprawling Ronda. The puck was in the air for a good 10 seconds, as Ronda contemplating whether to get up and catch the puck, or take his chances and let the puck go over the net. The chance wound up in the back of the net.
Kaos took a early commanding lead of 5-1. The Koolaid Killers huffing and puffing as every grueling second ticked off the clock were exhausted. If the Koolaid Killers were going to win this game they would need a spark of energy or a person to step up.
Well, that so person happen to be the newly signed free-agent Matt Opperman. Matt with his physical play, and endless hockey spirit rallied for 2 goals at the end of the first half. With the Koolaid Killers down 5-3 at the half-time intermission (this new league only plays two 24 minute halves) the comeback seemed manageable.
Quads on the bench gave a speech that spoke true to his journey as an Adult League Hockey Player. "Men, I've been playing this game for a very long time. I skated with Abraham Lincoln at the Battle of Gettysburg. I fought the communisst with steel roller wheels at the Bay of Pigs. I even, trail blazed with Colonel Custer while shuffling to Frekazoid . What, I learned in those experiences, is that the fight is never over,as long as I have the ability to skate with my galvanized toe-stoppers. These skates, were custom made by the Native Quad skaters, whom know the ins and outs of the proper quad skating technique. We can't lose gentlemen!"
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| Quads shuffling at the Battle of Little Big Horn |
The rousing speech motivated the Koolaid Killers to tie the game at 5-5, Matt scored two more goals, by flying down the wing and firing a cannon of a shot.
In a tied game, the Killers shut down the opposing team, forcing outside shots and low percentage opportunities. Swiss Cheese Ronda, decided to melt his gaping holes as he covered every shot towards his direction.
Matt scored two more goals to give the Koolaid Killer their first lead of the game. Kaos scored a quick goal in the dying minutes to make it a 7-6. During a scrum in the neutral zone boards, Quads gathered a loose puck and fired a bouncing puck into an empty net. "Those are the type of goalies I like to face, ones that are not in the net." Quads commented later in the locker-room.
Kaos scored another late goal to make it a 8-7 contest, but with only 6 seconds, it was too late for another shot. Quads had done it, he scored the decisive goal, to give the Koolaid Killers a gut wrenching iron-man victory.
Even though Matt Opperman had scored 6 goals, and was the only reason the Killers had any offense , Quads was praised by his teammates. Quads, skating around the rink for a victory lap acknowledge the sell out crowd of 22,000 at Choice Inline. Roses, were thrown on the rink. Quads picked up the roses and flowers , fighting tears, Quads gave a bow and blew kisses to all of the fans. "I thank you all for believing in me, and my Quad Skates."
The other teammates of the Koolaid Killers gathered on the bench, and noticed something odd about the situation. "Is it me, or I'm I the only person to noticed that Quads was wearing inline Skates tonight?" A dumbfounded Stilts remarked.
"Just let Quads have his moment." the Chief Editor replied. Stilts nodded his head, and began to clap his hands for a performance well done.
