The Koolaid Killers concluded their pre-season schedule on Saturday evening with a 13-12 lost to the Golden Monkey Whalers. It was an offensive explosion, as both teams scored a total of 25 goals. Sergent Slaugther and Swiss Cheese Ronda both had uncharacteristic weak games in net.
Slaughter blamed the lack of intensity for his poor performance. "I don't try in meaningless pre-season games. I won 16 championships and have a lifetime career record of 97-5-1. With those impressive numbers, I don't need to prove myself. And tell Master P to learn how to skate, and stop falling in my goal crease."
The Koolaid Killers came back from a 5-2 deficit to take a 8-6 lead going into the third period. Captain Brian Boytanio requested for a few players to fill in the rest of the bench. "Ahh.... half of our team left. They said they didn't want to get embarrass anymore. So we only have 1 substitutions left. Could you give us your best player and call it even."
"What the hell, Boytanio? Why can't you play with the guys on your bench?" Assistant Captain Quads asked.
"Ahh........." Boytanio gasped
"This is your practice time. You agreed upon the time, with your team and they didn't show up. So that's your fault for poor management." Quads continued
Boytanio without a response, skated back to his bench in disappointment. The Chief Editor feeling sorry for the Sad French clown, decided to help the depleted Whalers roster. "Ok, Boytanio you can have our star winger Master P, but this is the last time we give you guys."
The third period was very back and forth. Without Master P, the Koolaid Killers began to collapse on offense. Tyler was confused without Master P in the line-up. "When I looked up, there was no Master P to pass it to. I still can't believe the toe drag he pulled off on Hayes in the second period. If that shot went in, I would have ejaculated all over the rink."
Head Weasel Boytanio, decided to not play Master P and sit him on the bench for the entire third period. His plan of stealing the best player on the Koolaid Killers, and make him suffer without playing had worked. The Koolaid Killers packed it in the third and lost in a heart breaking 13-12 fashion.
Master P was none to happy about Boytanio's weasel actions. "That was total bullshit. I had so much fun playing on the Koolaid Killers, and then Boytanio weasel me out of playing time in the third period. I don't understand why he has to play the entire game, he clearly isn't very good, and he is not in very good shape either. Also I had to hear Sergent Slaughter bitch about my skating ability, when I had only one shift. Slaughter go change your tampon!"
With the poor performance by the Whalers, Head Captain Brian Boytanio has decided to move back down to the bronze division.
League official Bob Anderson, has called for a replacement team to substitute the Whalers in the Silver league. "Apparently, The Whalers have lost half of their roster from last season and have requested to move down in the Bronze league. Now their is an unbalance of teams in each division, so I'm asking anybody from the bronze division if they would want to move up. This also effects the league schedule, which was suppose to be completed by today, but now the Whalers have delayed everything. Thanks a lot Brian Boytanio, you dick weasel."
The Start of the season will begin next week, the exact date it is still unsure. But stay connected to the daily whaler, and we will post the league schedule once it is released. Jerseys should be done by Friday, or sooner. Have any questions, chime in with responses. No, tickets to our games are not re-sold on Stub Hub. You have to directly purchase them on Gang Green's facebook page, along with a sound mixer he is selling.
Kill Koolaid Kill!
