Lovebugs Summer Season

Hey Lovebugs,

This just came from the Skatezone news wire.

Important dates are May 21 for a $300 deposit, and the total league fee is $2,000 for a longer season of 15games.

So if we have 6 players and a goalie it would be roughly be $293.34 a player

Flyers Skate Zone at Voorhees is pleased to offer our 2010 Spring/Summer Adult Roller Hockey League

General Information

• 15 game season plus playoffs
• Games played Sunday-Thursday
• Team Captain must submit roster and USA Hockey registrations prior to first game.
• Divisions: Silver & Bronze

Rules and Regulations

• All players must be USA Hockey registered
• USA Hockey Inline Rules will apply to game play (please note USA Hockey Inline’s new enforcement of High Sticking)
• Rosters due prior to first game
• Three 15-minute running time periods.

Investment Information (Team Fee: $2,000)

• $300 deposit needed by 5/21/10 (If deposit is not in by this date you will not be put on the schedule)
• ALL TEAMS MUST BE PAID IN FULL PRIOR TO THEIR EIGHTH GAME

Contact:       

Jeremy Hall      

Phone: 856-309-4400 x 2216     

Fax: 856-309-4433

Email: jhall@comcast-spectacor.com

Spring/Summer Adult Roller Hockey League

Contact:      Return Application To: 

Jeremy Hall      Flyers Skate Zone  

Phone: 856-309-4400  x2216    “Adult Roller Hockey League”

Fax: 856-309-4433     601 Laurel Oak Road

Email: jhall@comcast-spectacor.com   Voorhees, NJ  08043

Team Application (complete and return)

A New Era

Hey there fellow whalers, its me Matt Arena. 

I want to assure everyone that I will be taking over.  My first prerogative its to get ride of those terrible Waterford Whaler uniforms and logos.  We need more unity, and tranquility as a team.

So I had Boytanio come up with a drawing that expresses our relationship with one another.  I'm proud to announce the Arena Lovebugs as your new Men's League Roller Hockey team. 

The drawing above will be our new logo, and jerseys.  We will also raise money for the team by selling Lovebug t-shirts, sweatshirts, boxer-shorts, paperweights, key chains, car seats, pencil erasers, scuba diving wet suits, and Lovebugs antennas. 

Also my brother Steve Arena, express concern about having too many people on the previous team.  To solve this problem we're only carrying 6 players and a goalie.  Sorry Montel, you're being release from the Lovebugs.  

I also talked to the head General Manager, and we're being moved down in the bronze league to compete with lesser talent.  Right now our roster includes, Matt, and Steve Arena, Boytanio, JD, Stilts, and Ronda in net.  So we're looking for one more Lovebug to join our team.

On the Whalers I felt, there was no real team bonding, or any sense of cohesiveness as a unit.  So I bought an old Volkswagen van, and have painted it with Lovebug insignia.  Boytanio has volunteer to pick-up everyone up and personally drive the entire team in the Lovebugs van.  No need to worry about driving to and from the game anymore.  Lovebugs travel in packs and in style.

I promise this upcoming season will be a better one, filled with rainbows and car Arena happiness at the end of the tunnel.  If you have any questions, please contact Boytanio who will be running the Customer happiness department.

Have a joyful, and loving day,

Head Lovebug

Game Canceled Tonight

The schedule Waterford Whalers game against the Outlaws has been canceled .  League President has taken away the extra game, due to the poor effort by the Whalers last week.

"The Outlaws are fighting for a playoff spot, and it wouldn't be fair if they played against a team that had an offensive juggernaut Montel, and defensive stall-worth Brian Boytanio.  Plus the Whalers were planning on having a two goaltender strategy, with Evil Moginly playing the first two periods, and having the closer Gang Green finishing the game.   The Whalers were set-up for a guarantee victory, and we can't have that in our a prestigious men's silver league."

So that concludes the Winter Season for the Whalers with an impressive 1-9 record, and goals against average of 13 goals a game.  Goals for average of 2.3 goals a game, and an average of 13,000 fans a game.  Also the Whalers were awarded with the "Spirit Award", for the organization that shows true leadership on and off the sport-court.  Despite a grueling season, most players showed up, and finished out the season with dignity. 

As for next season Matt Arena has bought out the rights to the Whalers and has changed the name to the Arena Lovebugs.  All outstanding contracts of Waterford Whalers players has been purchase by the Lovebugs. The Spring/Summer season starts at the end of May, going till the end of August.  Please contact secretary Brian Boytanio if you wish to play next season, or stop by the Manhole and look for the gentlemen that is bent over and stuck to a large group of hairy older men.

The Chief Editor has been fired and has been force to exile in Morocco.  Where his next assignment is to teach a new generation of children the exciting sport of Men's League Roller Hockey. 


Ma'assalama Whalers!

Oh Mercy Me

With All-star goaltender Swiss Cheese Ronda sidelined on the IR with a torn MCL from a cheese grater accident.  The Waterford Whalers called up Evil Mogilny and Buzz Killington to replace their missing Dairy product in net.

The first game game against Shop Rite on Tuesday, Evil Mogilny possessed the net with his 1992 28' inch black cooper rubber leg pads and his limited edition green and black Wayne Gretzky Roller Blades.  

Shop Rite was toying with the Whalers by passing the puck and not taking many shots on the unorthodox goaltender.  The Evil channeled his Satanic powers with impressive kick saves, and blocker punches to the corner.  By the end of the second period the score was only 3-2 Shop Rite.

But the third period our heroic soul grabber, ran out of steam and looked sluggish to complete the game.  Shop Rite tired of toying with the inferior Whalers, took shots and mercy the Whalers 12-2 with 3 minutes left in the third period.

Management made the following statement after the 12-2 lost.  "We appreciate Evil Mogilny filling in for the Whalers at short notice.  His grit and determination gave the Whalers a fighting chance in the game.   We're releasing Evil Moginly and calling up Buzz Killington for the following game tomorrow night.  Evil, you can now go back to eating souls, and harassing senior citizens."

The following night the Whalers match-up against the Fighting Amish, with Buzz Killington in net.

I don't know where these Amish learn to play hockey, but they were in a league of their own.  Killington was forced to make 30 saves in the first period, with only the score 4-0 going into the second period.

In the second Killington pulled a groin muscle during one of his miraculous saves.  At the moment the Amish were wining 7-0 and the Whalers didn't have a goalie to suit up in time.  So Killington in pain finish the game, with a 10-0 mercy halfway through the second period.

The Whalers are now 1-10 on the season, and have looked awful down the stretch.  These last two games have proven a total shake-up is looming.  Management has refuse to speculate on anything and will wait till the season is over on Monday night.  Close sources to the team, have the Arenas buying out the Whalers, and changing the franchise name to the Arena Lovebugs.

So on Monday the Whalers will finish out the season against Sergent Slaughter and company.  If the Whalers win the game, they will kick Slaughter out of playoff contention.  Also it is fan appreciation night, so all fans are welcome to attend the Fudruckers party afterward.  Its a meet and great with all Waterford Whalers players.  Come out and have a drink with Boytanio.  Mock Montel's lackluster effort.  Try to drink JD under the table.  Or come for the smell of hockey men sweat. 

Fight Whale Fight!

Master P insults the DJ, Mogilny, free food, free alcohol, and the Pope .

Pictures and video will be posted very soon.  Head videographer/photographer are compressing the files right now and will be uploaded in future Daily Whaler Editions.

Thousands upon Thousands of people showed up last night for the Master P going away party.  The party official started when DJ Youtube, blasted Rock me Amadeus to kick off the bash.

A heated midnight Volleyball game ensued with 5 people on a team, with "anything goes" rules enforced.  Co-Captain Otto Ottermen was brilliant in spiking, volleying, kicking the ball, head-bunting, tripping over the net, and taking out his own teammates by punching the ball in their groin region.  

Other outdoor activities included horseshoes, ladder-ball, hacky sack, be your own DJ station, eating, drinking, relaxing, and ripping on Mogilny.

Master P was phenomenal in ripping on Mogilny, and devouring all the free alcoholic beverages he could consume.

"Mogilny nobody was to play your gay activities you set up today.  Why don't you go back inside and have sex with animals.  And make me a Margarita with lime this time, you bitch." Master P commented 

Also Master P was awarded the comment of the night with "Squirrel meat is delicious."

But things got a little out of control towards the end of the night, during the Mogilny spectacular fireworks  show. 

Master P in a drunken rage, charged the DJ booth and demanded to take over.
"I want to hear the farmers news report.  Turn off this God Bless America Shit.  I'm going to live out in the woods for 6-months, and I need to know what the participation intake will be in the months of June and July."

DJ Mickustein refuse to give up the coveted crown, and called for security.

Master P continue his rant.
"This is my party, I want to hear what I want.  Fuck all these people.  Fuck Mogilny, Fuck his house, Fuck his hospitality, Fuck his free food, and Fuck his DJ equipment."

At that moment Master P raised his hand in the air, and threaten to punch all of Mogilny's expensive Imported electronics.  

DJ Mickustein called Master P's bluff
"Go ahead and destroy everything.  This isn't my shit anyway.  I just wanted to play Feliz Navidad, for the Mexicans across the street and now we're listening to AM Farm Report instead."

Master P still determine to listen to his AM Farm Report, continued his drunken outrage.
"I don't care about those illegal Mexicans across the street.  Tonight I had to endure Evil Mogilny burning my cheeseburger, Mogilny giving me lucid warm free drinks, live entertainment that was sub par, conversations that were pedestrian,  and a DJ that played music even Boytanio and Arena would cringe at.  Its my party and I'll do what I please.  Give me that mic, and shut the fuck up."

To further alleviate matters, Buzz Killington pulled up to join the Master fest.  As soon as Killington raised his hand to acknowledge the crowd of his arrival, everyone immediately darted for the exits.

The Crowd disperse will a few goodbyes, as they were running away.
"See ya Master P."

"Have fun in California"

"Good Luck with your farming"

To conclude the night Master P stumble into the Mogilny Playhouse, and passed out across the living room couch.  Sounds of snoring and leather rubbing against Master P's wizard like beard were heard throughout the Buena Vista area.

Overall most party goers had a pleasant experience.  Master P is currently on a flight to Reno, for his West Coast Farewell tour.  Than he will take his caravan to Sacramento, to meet with his crew and supervisor.  Master P is determine to stay and live in California.  Even if it means living off the land, and hunting for black bear. 

Adios Master P.









 

Monday April 12 at 2pm till the break of dawn

Its right around the corner.  The Master P Going Away Party is on Monday April 12 at 2pm at the Mogilny Playhouse.

The Mogilny Playhouse is located at: 320 East Weymouth rd, Buena, NJ 08310
If you don't know how to use Google Maps, or the Internet please contact me for directions.

So far it looks like great weather with mostly sunny skies for Monday with high temperatures in the upper 60s.  In the evening we're going to have a bomb fire, with fireworks from the Mogilny forbidden collection.

Also Gang Green will be attending, he rearrange his NAMBLA convention plans, to attend such a monumental event.

Mogilny has made a request to bring your own beer of choice, and snacks.  But this is only optional as their will be 2kegs of "Master P Special" Beer, and large bowls of cocoa puffs for appetizers.

Right now the sand man "Evil Mogilny" is prepping the horseshoe-pits.  Unfortunately the Beach Volley Court won't be ready in time, but we can play regular volleyball without the sand.

The confirmed guest list included: Scores A lot, RJ, Master P, Andy Dick, Mogilny, Mrs. Mogilny, Jeff Goldblum, Evil Mogilny, Ricky Martin, Otto, Little Joey, Kaitlin, Valentino, and Jose Canseco.

Celebrate one last night with a heroic icon, by playing lawn darts in Mogilny's lawn while sipping on "Master P Special" beer with a mouth full of Cocoa Puffs.

Bon voyage Master P!

Extra Game against Barlow Bruisers

Commissioner Hall has announced an extra game for the Waterford Whalers on Monday April 19 at 10pm against crosstown rival Barlow Bruisers.  Also the Whalers will have a home and home series against Shop Rite on Tues April 12, and Wed April 13. 

Quad Skates can try to get his revenge against Sergent Slaughter and his jersey stealing ways.
"I'm still angry about that.  Like I'm a nice guy, if he asked me politely I would of given him the Jersey.  But right after the championship, he demanded the jersey to be hung in his trophy case with his other 14 Championship rings.  I suppose he has a display case of all his game worn underwear in his Hall of Fame Wing, next to my jersey.  Well I look forward to meeting with Sergent Slaughter again, and I'm going to pump some iron, so he feel the power behind my turnaround slap-shots."

The Waterford Whalers will end the season on Monday April 19th at 10pm, for fan appreciation night.  The complaint box that has been overflowing with concerns, will be read aloud to all willing listeners.    So get there early to cheer your home town Whalers to victory.

Fight Whale Fight!

Master P Going Away Party

All Daily Whalers followers are invited to the Master P going away party, tell your friends, your relatives, your pets, your roommates, strangers on the street, or wild animals.

Location: Mogilny Playhouse
320 East Weymouth rd, Buena, NJ 08310

Now once in awhile a man comes along that defines a generation. On Monday April 12 at 2pm, you can meet this legendary figure.

Master P as the locals in the Waterford Metropolitan area call him, is volunteering for the America Corps program in northern California. He will devote his time and efforts by persevering our national forest in the United States of America.

Well who parties on a Monday afternoon at 2pm? Master P does.

You can also hear his tales of fighting Mountain Lions, rattle snakes, and poisonous scorpions from his last adventure in the Nevada desert.

If you like free food, free alcoholic beverages, free Master P t-shirts, beach volleyball, fireworks, live entertainment, A Mogilny Laser Light Show, Horseshoes,wiffle ball, billiards, botchie ball, lawn darts, and classic Sega Genesis Games. Stamp your admission right now.

Master P's time is running thin in our South Jersey presence. His airplane leaves the following day on Tues April 13.

Stop by after work, or before your Monday night pottery class. Even if you just come for a short visit, Master P will appreciate any party goers.

Also Gang Green won't be attending.

League in Disarray

This just came off Commissioner Hall's urgent news wire.

"Razz Russ has been kicked out of the league, and the following teams still owe money; Land Sharks, Tri State, Shop Rite, and the Barlow Bruisers.   If these teams don't pay the remaining balance they will also be kicked out of the league along with Razz Russ.  Also I would like to congratulate the Waterford Whalers for their outstanding victory on Sunday night.  They are a true example of a fine organization, and a classy assemble of players.  I wish other men's league teams would follow their tremendous honor, and dignity as men.  All hail Whalers!"

So the next schedule game for the Whalers is Tues April 13 at 9pm against the Razz Russ.  But since they are kicked out of the league it will be filled in by a different team.  Also if the league folds by the end of the season, we will have a celebratory parade around the Skatezone Parking Lot hoisting our Whaler Cup.

I also urge everyone to watch the Whalers First Victory Video at least 10times a day.  It is in the process of being submitted for best Internet Sports Video of the year.  Also I would like to acknowledge that Steve Arena is still angry.

Enjoy your Holiday Break,
The Chief Editor