Bubble Hockey Player leads Koolaid Killers to First Victory

Coldplay prepared to rip a wrist shot

Last night the Koolaid Killers won their first game of the season 7-3, thanks in large part to a certain individual whom channeled a favorite childhood bubble hockey passion.  Forward Coldplay had been under a lot of pain this season.  Mostly due to his grueling European tour, and hectic lifestyle as a world renown Pop star. 

The Koolaid Killers forward was suffering with his inability to skate around their offensive zone.  So, Assistant Captain Quad Skates had a brilliant idea on how to utilize the talents of Coldplay without the physical effort of skating. 

"I was pondering what I could do, to make Coldplay move faster.   At first,  I contemplating of putting Coldplay on a Segway and let him hovering around the offensive zone in ease.  But, time wasn't on our side, and we didn't have any access to a Segway or any mobile transportation unit.  I decided to tie a large rope to Coldplay's waist, and have our goalie Swiss Cheese Ronda control Coldplay like he has a forward in a Bubble hockey game. 

Coldplay just needed to take a few strides forward, and then Swiss Cheese Ronda could pull him back in our defensive zone.  The momentum from the rope, would allow Coldplay to not use any foot work, and he could easily set sail back to our zone. 

Then when we wanted him to skate in the offensive zone, Swiss Cheese Ronda, could give him a large push, and let him fly down the center of the rink.  But we had the rope still tied to him, so if he went to far Ronda could always pull him back."

Opponent Massacre was confused by the strategy of the Koolaid Killers, and were baffled by the ability of Coldplay's Bubble hockey finesse.    It seemed as though Coldplay was a Soviet Union forward spinning in circles awaiting for the puck to come in his 360 degree radius. 

Swiss Cheese Ronda not only had a remarkable game in net stopping 20shots, but he also had the task of controlling Coldplay's every motion.  " This really took me back to my childhood of playing the famous bubble hockey games of USA vs USSR.  But this wore me out physically, like I didn't remember getting so tired from playing this game as a kid.  Next time, Coldplay should just rent a Hovearound."

In the game action Joey "Domo Arigato" Morotto had a spectacular game with 3 goals and 3 assists.  He broke open the scoring in the second period, with a highlight reel goal.  Joey took a pass from the Chief Editor, and barred down towards the goal.  He then carried the puck behind the net, and spun around the slot, by shielding the puck on his backhand.   He grunted a fierce backhand shot that went top-shelf over the goalie's right shoulder.

Mogilny had an orgasm somewhere, on the quality of the goal.

Coldplay, though limited with his Bubble Hockey mobility, still managed to contribute to the team's offense.  He had a goal and 2 assists.  Coldplay wasn't shocked of his brilliant performance.  "When you rule the world for a living, a minor set back of blisters on your ankles is nothing.  I'm surprised I didn't score anymore goals. Next time I will bring a longer stick, so Ronda won't have to push and pull me as much."

Tyler Irwin also set a Men's League Roller hockey record of being a +12, in a game where his team only scored 7 goals.  It is the first time, a player was credited with + even when his team didn't score a goal.  The officials thought, that Tyler was such a beast on defense, that they awarded him with 5 extra pluses.

Official John Gault amazed by Tyler Irwin's defensive play

Official John Gault was in awe of the defensive clinic Tyler put on Thursday night.  "I've never scene anybody play defense like that.  I didn't know what to do.  So me and the other ref, called central hockey operations in Toronto.  We wanted to be the first referees to install the new pluses rule.  They said, "Who the hell is this?"   I interpreted that as a yes, and the rest is history."

The official Score Sheet is as follows: Joe Morotto 3goals 3 assists +6 Chief Editor 2 goals 1 assist +6 Coldplay 1 goal 2 assists +6 Stilts 2 assists +5 Quad Skates 1goal 2 assists -2 Tyler Irwin 2 assist +12.  Swiss Cheese Ronda 20 saves, 3.00 GAA .865 Save Percentage. 

Next game is Feb 10 at 10pm against Steel Wheels, don't forget to "Vote for the Coach".  We have XL and XXL t-shirts for sale $12 bucks.