New Role

 

The following is a statement from the Waterford Whalers Coaching Staff

"It has come to our great attention of the recent negativity by a certain offensive player, and non-player on the Whalers bench.  We would like to strip Gang Green of team coach, to his new role of  team Positive Fanatic. 

We only want to hear positive and re-assuring words from Gang Green.  Also stop staring at the score keeper, she has 911 on speed dial, from those sexually mysterious looks you keep giving her.  We would like Gang Green to wear a rainbow Afro, and juggle 5 bowling pins on the bench during game play.  This would lighten up spirits on the bench and make it a more enjoyable atmosphere.  This is a mighty task, but we know Gang Green can handle it.

We would also like to request Montel to stop counting the number shifts he is not getting, and worry more about the game.  I know Montel is one of our best forwards, but his negative energy is causing too many bad vibes man.  To alleviate this problem, we will have Montel wear a tie dyed Great Full Dead Shirt, and juggle 6 bowling pins with Gang Green on the bench.  It will be "the greatest show on pine"

We feel these changes will bring a victory for the Whalers in its upcoming game against the Land Sharks."

Bringing the Funk Back!

Whalers Offense continues to struggle in 6-4 defeat

It was has to be one of the most frustrating loses of the season, the Waterford Whalers continue to draw blanks on offense.  Last Night, against an inferior Shop Rite team, the Whalers only manage to score 4 goals.  Half of those goals came within the first 2-minutes of the game.

Once again the Whalers came out on fire with a 2-0 lead, then slowly began to dwindle in the later periods.  The turning point had to be the miss-communication between the coaching staff, and goaltender Swiss Cheese Ronda.  With the game tied in the closing minutes of the first period, a loss puck was between the face-off circle and the goalie.  The coaching staff yelled out "Behind the Net" referring  to Smiley Cat Arena to play the puck and skate behind the net.  But instead Swiss Cheese Ronda interpreted it as "I'm going to grab the puck and fire a blistering slap-shot behind the net instead."

Well, the puck fired by Ronda went to an open "Can Can Girl" who easily tapped into an empty net goal.  From there the Whalers never managed to recover. 

Brian Boytanio had a remarkable game on Defense, and took great control in his own end.  We caught up with Boytanio and ask him about his improved play.

So Boytanio what has gotten into you this season?  Your a plus +8 with 2 goals and 3 assists in 3 games.  What do you credit for such a drastic improvement?
"Well, with the Winter Olympics going on right now.  I'm extremely motivated to win Olympic gold again.  I've been training for 4 years in an disclosed location, to free myself of any distractions from the media.  Its been a grueling journey.  But the work has paid off."

Do you know that your only playing in a Silver Men's League?  You can't win a gold medal.  Actually you don't even win a trophy.  The best you can win is an unlimited lavatory pass to any Skate Zone location.
"Its hard being an Olympic champion.  The fans, the glory, the concentration on knowing that you only get one chance every 4years to reach the Olympic platform."

Ahh.. Boytanio do you know that your not an Olympic Athlete anymore?  The last time you participated in any Olympic competition was in the Calgary games in "88?
"When I get the gold this year, I'll be looking at only one person in the crowd.  His delicious smile lights up a room.  His muscular body is tiny in size, but terrific in the sack.  I don't know where I would be without this delightful man.  He is my ray of sunshine every morning."

In hockey related news.

A prominent issue of lacking of scoring has been addressed by management. With only 7games left in the season and a 0-3 start, playoffs doesn't look very promising.  But this is familiar territory for a team that started out 0-5 last season and finish with the Whaler Cup in the end. 

The coaching staff had some positive words at the end of the game.
"So far in the first 3games, we've had many scoring opportunities, and we really like the hard work by every player on the team.  Hockey can be a funny game, one moment you can be dominating the play, and than all of sudden your losing by three goals.  We have to sustain the moments in the game, when the opposing team is in control.  The little things like winning lose puck battles, and smart decision making can correct these problems.  I think everyone needs to relax and just play hockey.  I feel at times we're pressing and making poor decisions.  A wise Montel once said.  "Its just hockey"  And its true everyone knows what to, so just go and play.  We are very confident this team will turn it around."

The Whalers will host the Land Sharks next Wednesday at 10pm.  Gang Green is welcome to attend if he wears a Whale Costume, and not make sexual passes at the sexy score keeper. 

Go Whale Go

Luigi Breaks up Jersey Shore Line

 

Its time for our favorite Ref, Luigi to go over Hockey Refereeing 101.

"Its me Luigi.  

I want everyone to know how important my job is of a Men's League Referee.  First of all, you have to stay sharp.  I usually trim my mustache before the game, and stare at a photo of a roller hockey puck for hours to improve my eyesight.   

Second I go over the rules, that are unheard of in my trusty Referee rule book.  Last week I called an improper equipment penalty, on a player with mismatch colored wheels.  Like how are you going to play with pink, and orange wheels. 

Before the puck is drop, I like to skate around the rink and a get a feel of when a penalty is needed.  I pick out my favorite spot on the rink, and no matter what is going in the game I will blow my whistle.  Its like choosing your favorite time-warp pipe, to slide down in.

It a tough job being a Men's League Ref.

Thank a you so much for taking the time to hear my Hockey Refereeing 101."

Shock-waves from the Waterford Whalers, this just came over the waver-wire. 

Brandon(Montel's Brother) has opted out of his 2010 winter league contract.  His reason of leaving the Whalers was the poor refereeing by Luigi.

When reached for comment he had the following to say

"Luigi can shove that whistle up his ass."

The Whalers have signed Chip to replace Brandon.  Chip is a solid defense-men who has a rocket from the point. He will also add much needed depth to the defensive core.  

Tonight's game is 10pm against Shop Rite. 

Go Whale Go!

 

Gang Green Goaltending Stances video

Gang Green Slicing the Cheese

The Waterford Whalers hosted their first practice of the season today.  Gang Green and the Chief Editor were the only faithful to attend.  Gang Green is making a bid of taking over the number 1 goaltender spot in 2021.  By then he will be 42, the prime of his goaltending career.

Gang Green made a total of 4 saves on 40 shots in practice.  His Moongose Edition Skates purchase from K-Mart in 1996, were the blame of his poor performance.  The Chief Editor made Gang Green look like the new Swiss Cheese, fermented with extra wholes.

After the warm-up shots, of shooting on an empty net/ Gang Green, the practice heated up with 1-1 drills.  The Chief Editor and a janitor who was on coffee break partciapated in the practice.  After 3 minutes of 1-1, Gang Green collapsed on the rink, and moaned in pain.

"Ahh........my toe"

Practice had concluded.

Gang Green held a press conference afterwards

"I would like to thank everyone for coming to this important press conference.  Today was a set back in my dominance as the Waterford Whalers number 1 goalie.  I realize I have to work on skating, flexibility, concentration, mobility, tying my pads correctly, playing the angles, reflexes, handling the puck, buying hand cream, building confidence, and buying a pair of skates.   While this might seam a daunting task for any human being.  I the General Rosko Gang Green will be prime and ready to play by the year 2021.  I figure Swiss Cheese Ronda will turn into a melted puddle of cheese by then.  Like how long can you be a block of Swiss Cheese.  I figure with the rising temperatures by Globing Warming, and the constant heat by the red light goal lamp, he won't be playing by 2021.  I will continue my quest for a chance to become the Waterford Whalers goaltender.  But for now, I will support the Whalers on the bench at all home games, and will do my part on bringing another Championship home to the people of Waterford.  Go Whale Go!"

Montel is holding a practice tomorrow at 3pm.  If anyone wants to give me a ride I'll go.

Go Green Go!

Heartache lost in Master P's return

As the championship pregame ceremonies concluded the Waterford Whalers came out flat in their first game of the season.  Even with the return of local legend Master P, it wasn't enough to motivate the Whalers.  It was a defensive struggle with the Tri-State Allstars, formally known as District 5 throughout the entire game.

Of course our favorite ref Luigi didn't make matters any better by calling some suspect penalties in the third period.  Matt Arena was called for a high sticking penalty, after he was hauled down and beaten to a pulp by a Tri-State player.  He went to the penalty box with a half face grimace.

Trailing in the game 3-2 in the closing minutes, a strategic line change of sitting Montel for more offensive production was reinforced.  A set play of passing to Boytanio in the slot resulted in the game tying goal with 2 minutes left.  Within seconds after the game tying goal, Tri-State came on the attack, and retrieved a lucky bounce along boards and passed it across the goal crease.  The opposing player kicked the puck along the goal line.

Swiss cheese Ronda swiped at the puck as it was tittering across the goal line in the air half-way into the net.  The other Ref Luigi's protege, immediately called it a goal, which gave the Tri-All stars a 4-3 lead with 1min 54 seconds left.

The goal deflated the Whalers whom just tied the game seconds earlier.  In the end the Whalers attacked the net with all their might, but wasn't enough as they lost their first game of the season 4-3.

After the game Management was asked why they pulled Montel,  then allowed him back on after the game was tied.  "We wanted more scoring to tie the game so we put JD on offense, to get us back into the game.  When we tied the game at 3-3 we felt Montel wouldn't be a liability on defense.  He also looked motivated after being bench.  So we rolled the dice, and it backfired."

Montel was asked about this situation "I didn't think it was a good move on their part.  They totally screwed up my rhythm on offense.  How do you expect your number 1 goal scorer to produce, if he is getting benched.  I didn't score 6 goals last season by accident."

The Whalers return to action next Sunday at 10pm against Razz Russ.  They will try to atone for this heartbreaking lost, and even their record at 1-1.

Go Whale Go

Repeat Begins Now

The Waterford Whalers have signed two more goaltenders to the 20man roster.  Gang Green and Swiss Cheese Ronda will be added to the 4man goaltender rotation.  Sunday at 10pm Ronda will get the nod to start. His previous workload include 6 seasons for team flex, 3 championship appearances, 1 Championship, an 8.67 GAA, and 1 shutout. 

Management had the following to say about its current Goaltender situation,"Right now we have 4 goalies on the roster, and have given Ronda the number 1 spot.  We understand that Ronda might not be able to attend some games, so we have Gang Green, Buzz Killington, and Mike Smith on reserve."

This Sunday at 10pm the Whalers will begin their quest for Championship repeat against the Tri State Allstars. 

And a Whale We Go!

2010 Winter Schedule

The Winter Schedule was annouced today, with the Waterford Whalers opening the season on Valentine's Day at 10pm against the Tri-State Allstars. Fans will receive a comerative 2010 Championship puck autograph by the Conn Symth all-star Quad Skates. 

Highlights of the upcoming schedule includes 3 games on Sunday,  3 games on Wed, 1 game on Mon, 1 game on Tuesday, and one 11pm game on Thursday.  Thank You Skate Zone.

Also it was announced that the top 4 teams in the regular season will make the playoffs.  So the Whalers will have to have a productive regular season to make the cut out of 8 teams. 

Go Whale Go

Quad der Sise

In upcoming League and Notes; The Winter 2010 A Division will start on Wed February 10, or Sunday Fed 14.  The official schedule will be release later this week.  7 teams will compete for the coveted Whaler Cup.  It was named after the greatest team ever, to win the Championship at the highest level possible in Mens League History.  

The following teams are in the A Division: Shop Rite, Razz Russ, Storm, Tri State All-Stars, Outlaws(Barlow's teams), Fighting Amish, and the Waterford Whalers.  Land Sharks are pending over their shellacking by the Whalers in the Championship game.

Also the Whalers have announced the signing of goaltender Mike Smith to the roster.  He will be the goaltender for the first few games, or until Buzz Killington returns from his holiday in Hawaii.  Mike Smith is a stellar option in net for the Whalers, he has quick reflexes, and a heart of a lion in competition.  The contract is performance based, if his goaltender is outstanding, he will be offered a full season deal.  If it is average or sub-par he will be released, and Killington will take over. 

Montel will be holding a captain's skate on Wed at 3pm, please attend if you can make it.  The following drills will be run; standing in front of the net awaitng a pass, hacking the goalie 101, jumping onto the rink for a too many men penalty, learning to skate as little as possible without the puck, and sniper shooting from inside the goalie crease. 

Any information about the first game will passed along as soon as its made official.

Go Whale Go