"It has come to our great attention of the recent negativity by a certain offensive player, and non-player on the Whalers bench. We would like to strip Gang Green of team coach, to his new role of team Positive Fanatic.
We only want to hear positive and re-assuring words from Gang Green. Also stop staring at the score keeper, she has 911 on speed dial, from those sexually mysterious looks you keep giving her. We would like Gang Green to wear a rainbow Afro, and juggle 5 bowling pins on the bench during game play. This would lighten up spirits on the bench and make it a more enjoyable atmosphere. This is a mighty task, but we know Gang Green can handle it.
We would also like to request Montel to stop counting the number shifts he is not getting, and worry more about the game. I know Montel is one of our best forwards, but his negative energy is causing too many bad vibes man. To alleviate this problem, we will have Montel wear a tie dyed Great Full Dead Shirt, and juggle 6 bowling pins with Gang Green on the bench. It will be "the greatest show on pine"
We feel these changes will bring a victory for the Whalers in its upcoming game against the Land Sharks."
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