Whalers Win 5-3!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Master P Speaking Real Words

"Steve your a fucking hypocrite. I paid to play for the flex team and do you think I wanted you taking my playing time and playing for free when you played on that team? So its ok if you do it but its the end of the would when i play for a team I'm not on. You guys should really re-evaluate your lives if you get this worked up about men's league roller hockey. If anything that actually matters doesn't go your way were gonna need P-chops to break out the fire ladder and talk you off a ledge some day soon."

New Anthem for Waterford Whalers! By the way Whalers lose 7-1 to further decline to 0-7

Ronda and Steve Arena Shine in Whalers 10-5 defeat

 Swiss Cheese Ronda had probably the best game a goalie could have after giving up 10goals on 62 shots.  Last night the "Bobby Knights" manhandle the Whalers defense with a 10-5 victory.  Ronda had numerous odd man rushes saves, and kept the score close until the 2nd period. 

"Tonight Ronda went from Swiss Cheese to a fine French Brie" JD replied

The controversial Super Bitch Line, also produce 3 goals lead by Steve Arena enthusiastic performance.  Every battle, every shift, Steve Arena was the best skater tonight for the Whalers.  He seemed very motivated by management's decision to harness his negative energy into a edible snack form.

"I don't take kindly to criticism about my integrity as a hockey player.  I come here with my work boots on and a lunch pale of ass kicking.  Management can shove that up their a-hole, and Master P stay home."  Steve Arena explained

The Whalers continue to struggle with a 0-6 season, and darkening clouds gloom over the rest of the franchise.  Speculation of a foreign interest in purchasing the team, and moving them out of the Flyers's skate zone is a possibility.

Montel is still displeased with the Waterford media's portrayal of himself in the daily whaler publication.

"Its all lies.  They write nothing but nonsense.  Like who finds this garbage funny.  Like how many times can you make a joke about me.  Its time for the daily whaler to focus on a different player, and leave the Montel alone.  It has curse the team into a funk, and I blame them for our terrible 0-6 record.  I'm going to start my own publication "The Montel Monthly" and we'll see who gets the last laugh." A begrudgingly Montel commented

So the Whalers host the Fighting Amish next Wed at 9pm, for a chance at their first win of the season.  Come out and support your hometown Whalers; first 500 fans get a personal meet and great with Superstar defense-men Brain Boytanio.  He will even clean your computer of any annoying viruses, while performing a triple Axel around your living room. 

Fight Whale Fight!

Whalers Announce new secret weapon "Super Bitch Line"

Due to the inconsistent offense by the Waterford Whalers this season, management has decided to assemble a Super Bitch Line.  Steve Arena and Montel will join forces of constant complaining about insufficient playing-time into a superior offensive line.  Management is hoping that the energy used from each player's vocal concerns will transform into a goal scoring machine.

Management made the following comment about their new secret weapon.
"We feel that Steve Arena, and Montel are basically complaining about the same issue.  Instead of dealing with each individual, with proper logic and explaining about who gets to play.  We're putting together their negative vibes into one gigantic Bitch pot.  This Bitch pot, will harness the negative energy from the two and will be put into a oven at 425 degrees for 45 minutes.  Once ready the Bitch Pot will be served to the opposing team in a pre-game snack form.  The opposing team, will have to endure the complaining about playing time, who's turn it is to go out on the rink, Why is Master P here, These jerseys are too big, I don't like playing home games at the Flyers's Skate Zone, Why can't I stick-handle the puck?, We have too many people on the team, I don't like the single color of the jerseys I want rainbows and stars to fill the empty maroon canvass.  How come, I get stuck with the extra guy on my line, I don't know where the Bathroom is, Why does the pro-shop charge such outrageous prices for hockey tape?, and Why does nobody listen to my Don Cherry behind the glass hockey knowledge?"

The Whalers believe this Super Bitch Line, will unleash the flood gates of offensive production.

Go Whale Go!

Whalers Lose to Sergeant Slaughter and Co. 6-3

The Whalers continue their losing ways, with last night's defeat against the Barlow Brusiers 6-3.  Local icon, and hero Master P suited up for the Whalers and gave a very emotional speech before the game.

"Steve Arena you suck."  words of wisdom from Master P.

With those inspiratinal words, the Whalers started out on fire scoring two quick goals by Brian Botanio, and Montel. 

Montel's goal was remarkable.  He toe-drag by two defencemen, flip the puck off his helmet, and then batted the puck out of mid-air for his highlight goal.  

Opposing netminder Sergent Slaughter, (former Whaler legend) was flabbergast by the skill level Montel showed.
"I never knew a human life-form could show such unbelievable skill.  Somebody should give Montel his own daytime talk program." Sergent Slaughter commented

Things slowly began to cripple for the Whalers, after the phenomenal Montel goal.  A few mistakes allowed the Barlow Bruisers back into the game, and they took a 3-2 lead after the first period.

The Whalers began to sink in the 2nd period, allowing a powerplay goal, and an even strength goal, for a 5-2 deficit going in the 3rd period. 

Heart and determination were key components to the Whalers game-plan.  They never stop skating, digging out loose pucks, drilling Barlow into the boards, and supporting one another.  But even with the valiant effort by each individual, the deficit was too large to overcome with a 6-3 defeat. 

So the Whalers are back in familiar territory with a 0-5 start to their season. 

Free agent signing Steve Arena wasn't very pleased by Whalers efforts this season.
"I just spent an entire season on a team that went 0-10, and now I'm on a defending championship team that is  win-less.  Why does every team I play on struggle so mightily. "

Master P replied "Cause your not a very good player.  This isn't an outdoor league, where everybody has the same skill level of Gang Green."

"Well, Master P you didn't contribute anything tonight.  I'm still trying to figure out why we allowed you to play."  Steve Arena retorted

"At least I wasn't skating into my own teammates.  I'm glad I wore my full-cage, because I would of gotten another 12stiches by your large cranium."  Master P explained

"Master P, you don't know what your talking about.  I was fighting for a loose puck, and you happen to be in my way."  Steve Arena commented

"Maybe you should skate in the other team's way."  Master P replied.

Besides the drama by Steve Arena, and Master P it was a hard fought defeat.  A lot of positives came out of this lost; Swiss Cheese Ronda had a good game, Montel broke one of his unlucky sticks, Quad Skates didn't make any costly turnovers, and Stilts showed a lot of poise and composure on offense. 

The Whalers host the "Bobby Knights" on Thursday at 11pm.

Go Whale Go!



 

Inspirational Words from Montel

Thar she Blows!!!!

The Waterford Whalers were mercy 15-5 last night against mammal rival Land Sharks.  As always the Whalers started out fine with only a 3-1 deficit in the first period.

But the pummeling continue from the 2nd period to the final minutes of the game.  The Land Sharks were vicious, and smell the blood of despair from the Whalers bench.

After the bloodbath was over the Land Sharks harvested the Whalers organs, and began to celebrate in their own goaltenders crease like it was the "Miracle on unclean Sport Court". It was very similar to a young Mogilny and a group of horny Mexicans in a secluded tool shed .  It wasn't a very pleasant sight to see. 

So far the Whalers are winless this season with a 0-4 record, and have been blow out in 2 of those contests.  Management had no comment about stripping Gang Green's coaching responsibilities to his new role of team fanatic.

Gang Green didn't attend last night's game and was nowhere to be scene.  The only trace of the General Gang Green was the following facebook status message.

"I the leader, the confidant, the General, the hero, and El Desperado have decided to take a leave of absence from the Waterford Whalers.  I respect the Whalers wishes of my promotion to  team fanatic.  But I've chosen a new career path.  It is my great interest to pursue a new opportunity in my life.  As of now I'm in training for my own daytime kids show, to rival against the Montel talk-show hour.  I'm having an online poll of what the name of the show would be and I have come up with the following titles: Kids and Green, My Wacky General, Hey Mom do you like my Kids show, Air Guitar Theater, Rosko and Friends,  101 uses of Cardboard, Tattoos you should not get, Choo-Choo Conductor Green , and I can't believe you left me with your children for a half-hour television show.  You can post your answers on my facebook page."

The Whalers have a week off, before they host the Barlow Bruisers on Monday March 15.  Montel will be hosting some practice skates next week at the Waterford Gardens.  Bring a large gallon of water for preparation of an intensive workout. 

Go Whale Go