"Thank you all, for arriving at this historic press conference. We've come to the conclusion, that our Whalers (garbage scrappers of the Bronze league), need a full make over for the upcoming fall season. First we gave our beat reporter Master P a premonition to head coach.
So I would like to introduce our new coach. He comes with a great knowledge of wisdom attained from his wilderness tour in Nevada and California. He is also a straight shooter, so no cupcake sunshine and rainbows to cover up poor performances. I present the Waterford elite. The man with the sledgehammer of a shot....
Master P!"
Master P stands to a cheerful roar of optimism as he approaches the podium.
"Hello fellow members of the Waterford media. My first action as head coach is to cut Steve Arena. Now that the cancer of the locker-room is gone, we can get down to business. I'm not going to sugar coat it. Our roster sucks. As of now, we're in negotiations to acquire some better talent to the squad. The team from last season was god awful. But, I think with a few new gun-slingers on this team, we should be decent.
I'm not promising glory days of championships like in the Winter 2010 season. But we need to first get out of the cellar, and be a respectable team.
Also I would like to instate, a policy of no sunshine and rainbows. If I even see anybody hugging or making out in the locker-room, you're ass is gone.
I would like to remember everyone on the team, that you were the worse Men's League team in the history of Skate Zone last season. So if you want to win, pour that Arena Kool-aid down the toilet and learn to play the game of hockey. We're going to have intense video sessions. Constant drills of skating, shooting, passing, and making proper line changes.
And if I hear one person complain about playing time, you can watch the rest of the game from the bench. This season, the Whalers will regain respect.
One Love."
Master P gives the crowd a peace sign, and marches off of the podium.
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