It was the best of times, it was the even more better of times. As the Koolaid Killers advance further into the playoffs with an impressive 5-2 victory of an emotionally distraught Whalers.
Even before the opening face-off the entire car Arena and Sergent Slaughter called fouled about an illegal player substitution. "Ehhh....that's not fair if you let Ed, play Ehhhhh.. I paid all this money, and made sure to play in the most uncompetitive league available and now you pull a fast one on us. That's like Ehhhhhh.............................not Ehhhhhhhhhhhh...................you know Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........Its Ehhhhhhhhhh...................."
After the 30th Ehhhhhh.... by Captain Arena, the Koolaid Killers ignored their concerns and got on with the game.
In the locker-room an inspired Joey "Domo Arigato" Morrotto rallied the troops, "This is the Stanley Cup Finals for all I care. I lost to those A-holes in the Outdoor League and never heard the end of it. Do you know what it's like to lose to a Circus clown and two helper elves. Believe you me, I still wake up in the middle of the nights and sweat puddles of humiliation. I swore, to myself. Never again!"
With the fired up speech, the Koolaid Killers played behind the words of Joey. They never took a shift off, they never complained about playing time. They vigorously played for the logo on their chest, of a Koolaid Man being tipped over. They had finally become true Koolaid Killers.
Joey skated like a wildebeest, going in and out of the Whalers defense. The rest of the team, followed suit with bone crushing defense, and timely scoring.
"I watched 11 hours of Wrestlemania classic footage of Sergent Slaughter to studied his weakness and flaws as a goaltender. I wanted to be an impact player for our team, and put everything I had out on the rink. This wasn't just a game, this was a message. If you talk the talk, you better walk the walk. Or you can just accept defeat." Proverb 1:16 Joey "Domo Arigato" Morrrotto
With a commanding 4-0 lead after the first period, Swiss Cheese Ronda held down the fort. A frustrated Boytanio was amazed by the performance of Ronda "I just couldn't find any holes to shoot on him. Did Ronda get some cork filling plastic surgery done. Cause that wasn't the same Swiss Cheese Ronda, I cut from the Whalers."
Swiss Cheese Ronda was very humble about his performance, "Sergent Slaughter you can suck it!!!! I guess you'll be stuck on 15 championships. Maybe next time, you should can call the Iron Sheik from Iran to help you out next time."
"I will restore honor to the my good friend Sergent Slaughter" |
With 5 minutes left in the third period the Whalers capitalize on their 7th powerplay of the game. And then was awarded another powerplay and scored quickly to make the game interesting at 4-2. Tyler called a time-out and settled his players down.
"You guys, need to chill the fuck out. We're up 4-2 and I haven't even scored a goal yet. So everyone, sit on the bench, and relax a second. And watch this muth-fucka, turn some tricks, like a ho on roller-blades."
In the winding minutes of the game, Tyler block a pass and took the puck along the far left boards. He put the breaks on. Surveyed his options, and then let a fireball out of his blade. Slaughter was so overwhelmed by the power of the shot, that it trickled through his pads. That was the dagger, that ended the Whalers season.
The Koolaid Killers march on and will face their next opponent on Sunday at either 9pm or 10pm. Wear your Koolaid Killers shirts with pride or you can purchase one for only $10. Now is your time to join the Kooliad Killing Nation. When life get's you down, remember the night the Koolaid Kilers punted the Whalers out of the playoffs.
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