Lower League. Same Results.

This is off the sportcourt reporter Master P reporting live outside of the Flyers Skate Zone.

I've show up to buy some strawberry milk, from the Nestle vending machine, and noticed the standings in the Bronze Mens league.  At the very bottom are the Whalers at 1-3., even  under the Santos's Bulldogs. 

Don't drink the koolaid.  Car Arena sucks.  Boytanio Sucks.  Steve Sucks.  Matt Sucks.  Their 3 midgets in a trench-coat they suck too.  

The happiness and rainbows they promise, is only a disguise.  Unless you want to be stuff into Boytanios trunk, and forced to wait on the Arenas at all hours of the day.

Boytanio shows no leadership, he lets Montel do whatever he wants.  Here is a clip of Montel in last weeks game, notice how happy he is




 Oh, I hear the ice cream man driving down the street.  This is Master P, for The Daily Whaler

One Love,
Master P

Go Lovebugs!!!!

The Drop off!

Lovebugs, time is ticking away!

We need deposits in the amount of 293.45 from every Lovebug on the roster.

If you could please put the cash , or check in a purple envelope.  Call Boytanio on his cell-phone, and then he will give you vivid instructions of the drop off.

It is important that we be discrete about this.

All Hail Lovebugs!!!!

Final Lovebug Addition

Hey there guys.  I wanted to announce our final Lovebug to our 6 man roster.  You might recognize him from his days at Sesame Street as a game show host.  He also tends to frequent the Waterford Hockey rink 2 months out of the entire year.  His positive attitude and hard working demeanor will mesh well in the Lovebugs locker room.

Give a Lovebugs welcome to Gee Smiley.

Now our roster is complete with Steve, Matt, Boytanio, Stilts, JD, and Ronda.  Deposit is due on the 21st of May, so i will have Boytanio pick it up from each individual player.

Also I'm holding a team meeting next week, at a secret location.   Boytanio will pick everyone up in the Lovebug van at any given moment .  You will be blind folded, and forced into the 12 passenger Lovebug mobile. 

More information will be posted or await for further instructions.

Mandatory Gerbil Implants

Hey Lovebugs,

I was just talking to Boytanio, (head of scientific advancement department) and he had some very intriguing test results.  You see, I felt the Whalers had very slow team speed.   So I had Boytanio look into ways that could improve our quickness.

First we looked into ways of training our legs into better shape.  So I tied Boytanio to the back of the Lovebug van and floored the accelerator to the speeds of 85mph.  His nibble little caffs scrapped along the asphalt, until i reached a 4way intersection.  Boytanio was covered in bandages for severed months, due to the severe asphalt burns.

Next we research the advancements of vitamins and protein to our daily diet.  We found out that if we added high proteins like (meat, fish, nuts, or kangaroo meat) our muscles would increase in bulkiness.     I felt we already had enough meat, fish, and nuts in our diets.  Boytanio can do amazing things in the kitchen and in the sack if you know what i mean. Wink! Wink! :) :>>>>>>>

So I flew Boytanio to Australia  to obtain high protein kangaroo meat.  I didn't realize that it was Gay Awareness week in Sydney,during  the week of Boytanio's visit.  Distracted by all the extreme international gayness, Boytanio never left the "Bavarian Bear Group" whom snatch him up.

Defeated and dishearten I felt nothing was going to help the Lovebugs team speed.  But when Boytanio came back from Australia, I notice he was squirming a lot, and looked very uncomfortable.

"Ahhh... Boytanio could you go fetch me the paper?" I asked

Boytanio got up and sprinted like a cheetah to the front lawn.  Before I could finish my next "Ahhh..", the paper was in my hand.

I was amazed of Boytanio's speed  that morning
"How did you do that?"

Boytanio raised his shoulders in confusion, and didn't say a word.

Later that night, my sexual ambitions got a little frisky.  I pulled Boytanio away from his late night drinking and force him on the bed.  As I had my way with Boytanio's body, I notice an object lodged in Boytanio's anus. 

"Ahhh... Boytanio! What the hell is stuck in your asshole?"

"Oh, I totally forgot.  When I was in Australia i got a Gerbil Implant in my shooter."  Boytanio explained

"Is that why your so quick and nimble?"  I asked

"I don't know.  All I can tell you is that I haven't take a shit in two weeks."  Boytanio remarked

"Eureka!  That's it.  I'm going to make it mandatory for every Lovebug to get a gerbil implant.  Nobody is going to catch us on the sport-court this season."  I shouted with glee.

"Well, can I get a new implant.  I think my gerbil ate some of my internal colon." asked Boytanio

"Oh Boytanio!"

Lovebugs Summer Season

Hey Lovebugs,

This just came from the Skatezone news wire.

Important dates are May 21 for a $300 deposit, and the total league fee is $2,000 for a longer season of 15games.

So if we have 6 players and a goalie it would be roughly be $293.34 a player

Flyers Skate Zone at Voorhees is pleased to offer our 2010 Spring/Summer Adult Roller Hockey League

General Information

• 15 game season plus playoffs
• Games played Sunday-Thursday
• Team Captain must submit roster and USA Hockey registrations prior to first game.
• Divisions: Silver & Bronze

Rules and Regulations

• All players must be USA Hockey registered
• USA Hockey Inline Rules will apply to game play (please note USA Hockey Inline’s new enforcement of High Sticking)
• Rosters due prior to first game
• Three 15-minute running time periods.

Investment Information (Team Fee: $2,000)

• $300 deposit needed by 5/21/10 (If deposit is not in by this date you will not be put on the schedule)
• ALL TEAMS MUST BE PAID IN FULL PRIOR TO THEIR EIGHTH GAME

Contact:       

Jeremy Hall      

Phone: 856-309-4400 x 2216     

Fax: 856-309-4433

Email: jhall@comcast-spectacor.com

Spring/Summer Adult Roller Hockey League

Contact:      Return Application To: 

Jeremy Hall      Flyers Skate Zone  

Phone: 856-309-4400  x2216    “Adult Roller Hockey League”

Fax: 856-309-4433     601 Laurel Oak Road

Email: jhall@comcast-spectacor.com   Voorhees, NJ  08043

Team Application (complete and return)

A New Era

Hey there fellow whalers, its me Matt Arena. 

I want to assure everyone that I will be taking over.  My first prerogative its to get ride of those terrible Waterford Whaler uniforms and logos.  We need more unity, and tranquility as a team.

So I had Boytanio come up with a drawing that expresses our relationship with one another.  I'm proud to announce the Arena Lovebugs as your new Men's League Roller Hockey team. 

The drawing above will be our new logo, and jerseys.  We will also raise money for the team by selling Lovebug t-shirts, sweatshirts, boxer-shorts, paperweights, key chains, car seats, pencil erasers, scuba diving wet suits, and Lovebugs antennas. 

Also my brother Steve Arena, express concern about having too many people on the previous team.  To solve this problem we're only carrying 6 players and a goalie.  Sorry Montel, you're being release from the Lovebugs.  

I also talked to the head General Manager, and we're being moved down in the bronze league to compete with lesser talent.  Right now our roster includes, Matt, and Steve Arena, Boytanio, JD, Stilts, and Ronda in net.  So we're looking for one more Lovebug to join our team.

On the Whalers I felt, there was no real team bonding, or any sense of cohesiveness as a unit.  So I bought an old Volkswagen van, and have painted it with Lovebug insignia.  Boytanio has volunteer to pick-up everyone up and personally drive the entire team in the Lovebugs van.  No need to worry about driving to and from the game anymore.  Lovebugs travel in packs and in style.

I promise this upcoming season will be a better one, filled with rainbows and car Arena happiness at the end of the tunnel.  If you have any questions, please contact Boytanio who will be running the Customer happiness department.

Have a joyful, and loving day,

Head Lovebug