Master P resigns as Whalers Head Coach

Hours after the public announcement of the purchase of the Waterford Whalers organization by "Golden Monkey" Chinese restaurant, Master P has resigned as head coach of the Whalers.  We take you live to a press conference held inside the Golden Monkey Restaurant.

"Hello all members of the Waterford media.  I've decided to resign as head coach of the Golden Monkey Whalers, previously known as the Waterford Whalers.  Management has not picked up my contract for next season, and I'm gracefully stepping aside for a new coach.

I thought I did a great job of putting together a playoff team with a horrible roster.  I only blame Boytanio for the lack of success on this team.  His constant back-stabbing and triple axle play was a distraction for the players. Maybe I should of cut his ass, along with the other members of car Arena.

I came here to put the Whalers in the position of winning another championship.  Given the past two seasons before my arrival, this organization was in total disarray.  Constant complaining, excuses, propaganda by the puppet government led by Boytanio, and a last place finish in the worse division.

It was a constant up hill climb, to fix these problems. I only regret that my time here wasn't longer, I thought we had potential to compete next season.  I wish the new Golden Monkey Whalers to suffer, and have another miserable season at the bottom.

You can all kiss my white pale ass!  Now, I'm ready for any questions from the media."


  What are your plans for the new season?  Any other coaching offers? 

"No, I haven't been contacted by any other team.  I would like to get a chance of coaching against the Whalers."

Their have been reports that Boytanio got you fired.  He even went to the extent, of calling you "a worthless player" and why would anybody want to listen to a coach that can't play the game of hockey.

"I don't know if any of that is true.  But I can tell you that Boytanio is a scumbag.  So if he got me fired, than that shows how much of a weasel he is.  And him calling me a worthless player is like Paris Hilton calling me a slut."

An interruption over the loud speaker at the Golden Monkey Restaurant, "The order with the pint of Kung Pow Chicken, Pepper Steak Onions, and Cashew Chicken your spring rolls are ready!"

Master P what will you do if you can't land a coaching job next season?

"My fraternity of the Coco Puff Committee has ordered me to fly to a far away galaxy if I can't land a coaching job next season.  I'll harvest any planet that has the richest fields of chocolaty coco puff ingredients.  We have a total society that is based on the fuel of Coco Puffs.  If we don't have a significant amount of Coco Puffs, we will suffer and retreat to our home planet of Kruger Xion 8."

Interesting.  I thought, you were done with the whole domination of Coco Puffs in the galaxy.  This sounds very familiar to a story previously covered in The Googily Gazette in the summer of 2005.  I believe it had something to do with the slavery of Bauer sticks on your home planet.

"Yeah, once you belong to the Coco Puff Committee, you can never get out.  Plus I crave the delicious taste of Coco Puffs right as this very moment.  Just the thought of, swirling around a spoon full of chocolaty corn starch puff balls in my mouth, makes me water in fulfillment."

An older Chinese women who is running the Golden Monkey Chinese Restaurant, runs on the stage and begins to yell.  "You have to go!"

Master P points at himself and questions why he has to leave.  "You told me I would get 30mins for my press conference.  It has been barely 15minutes."

Old Chinese Lady "You leave now! Nobody cares about Coco Puffs.  Leave"

Master P, "Ok, what about the steam dumplings.  I was told, there would be free dumplings after the press conference."

The Old Chinese Lady begins to shove Master P off of the podium and yells at the rest of the Waterford media members.  "Either you buy, or leave!  No credit. Only cash!"

Master P and the media members exit out of the Golden Monkey Restaurant into the parking lot.  "Ok, do any of you guys have any spare change?  I really want those steam dumplings.  They promised me.  I didn't bring any cash, since I thought they would be free.  Plus the ATM machine charges a bullshit $3.00 surcharge."










 

Whalers bought out by Chinese Restaruant

Golden Monkey Chinese Restaurant logo

This just came off the wire, from the VSN media global.  The Waterford Whalers organization has been sold to the "Golden Monkey" Chinese Restaurant franchise.  It appears financial problems have caused the Whalers inability to compete in the Voorhees Men's league. 

Here is a statement from president of the former Waterford Whalers organization.  "Today is a sad day for the legions of Waterford fans in our area.  Even though we won two championships this year, we were unable to draw enough support from ticket sales, merchandise, and television sponsorship.  Its a business running a Men's league team.  Without a profitable team, its time to cut the losses and move on.

The Golden Monkey Chinese Restaurant, has agreed in principal to buy out the remaining contracts on players and coaching staff in the organization. They have promised to bring back Car Arena, and Sergent Slaughter.  You can buy season tickets on their website at Golden Monkey.com  Or you can go into any local Golden Monkey restaurant and order the General Tso's chicken and receive 10% off a Weeknight game in February."

As for the daily whaler, it has been bought out by a new business partnership led by Quad F. Kennedy Skates and Rosco Gang Green.  This new partnership has establish a new Waterford expansion team, "The Koolaid Killers."

Rosco Gang Green had this to say about being part of the new expansion team.  "The Koolaid Killers are going to take the Voorhees Men's League by storm.  We have a very good team assemble, no crybabys who can't take a joke in a fictitious blog.  Only players who have a personality to destroy sunshine rainbow car run governments.  Its time to rise up and smash that glass of koolaid!"

The Daily Whaler have chosen to keep its name, but get rid of Waterford Whaler logos.  This season the daily whaler will only follow the Koolaid Killers franchise.  The Chief Editor explained the re-formatting. "I figure nobody really cares about the Whalers anymore, since it has been bought out, and will probably move to China in a few years anyway.  In the next few weeks a total overhaul will be performed on the daily whaler.  New colors, logos, graphics, and videos. " 

Head Weasel Brian Boytanio seems to welcome the new ownership of the Whalers.  "I hope they fire Master P as our coach. I'm getting tired of him riding me the entire game.  I'm going to use my weasel senses, by recommending his dismissal, and promote the Arenas as the new head coach.  Then I'll be re-united with car Arena. ha ha ha" A diabolical laugh from Boytanio was heard under his weasel breath.

It is uncertain the future of Master P or any of the other Whaler players. 

The Swiss is Twice as Nice

An early exit from the playoffs on Monday night as the Whalers lost to Swiss Cheese Ronda 3-2.  It was a hard fought battle as play became a little chippy, when the opponent Shop Rite drilled Chameleon Whalers player John Hayes into the boards from behind. 

John Hayes in his bathrobe

Things began to escalate in the closing minutes, as head coach Master P sent out his goons to regulate the situation.

"I turned to my bench and looked to find somebody with the balls, to go out there and mix it up.  I sent my gritty forward Adam out on the fore-check to mix it up with their big goon whom boarded Hayes from behind.  I was thinking of sending out Boytanio, to punish the goon by performing a triple axle kick to the face.  But, that would be against the code of being a weasel." 

Adam tried to get a scrap going with one of Shop Rite's goon players, but the Goon didn't want to fight, since his team had a lead in the closing minutes.  The Whalers peppered Swiss Cheese Ronda with numerous shots in the final seconds of the game, but came up short.  It was a hard fought battle to the end, which had the Whalers falling short 3-2. 

During the traditional hand shake between the two opponents after the game, Sergant Slaughter refuse to shake hands with Swiss Cheese Ronda.  He immediately made a "Bill Belichick" dash to the locker rooms, without acknowledging the Swiss Cheese.

The Swiss Cheese Ronda was rather upset, that one of his ideals had disrespected him like that.  "My whole life I've always wanted to be as good as the Sergent Slaughter.  He is the Patrick Roy of Men's League goalies.  He has won 15 men's league championships.  But, the way he disrespected me on Monday night, was a very weaselly act on his part.  Apparently the head weasel Boytanio has been influencing his own weasel actions onto his players.  Like come on dude, its just Men's league hockey, shake my hand."

So that concludes another Whalers season, short of a Championship, but improved from a 2-24 record of the last two seasons.  Management has yet to decided the fate of head coach Master P.  Also Stilts is a unrestricted free agent, who will most likely test the market. 

Nest season begins on the second week of January, so stay connected to the Daily Whalers for any off season transactions.  Rumors are speculating of a new franchise out of the Waterford metropolitan area.  Also rumors of selling the Whalers organization to a powerful international bidder have be rumored. 

Whalers Finish the Season at 500

The conclusion to a fantastic regular season, ended with a Whaler tie last Monday 4-4 against the heated rival "Tri State All-Stars".  Only seconds to spare, Stilts re-directed an Ed slap-shot from the point to tie the game.  In overtime both teams exchange scoring opportunities, but ended in a draw.  So that concludes a Whalers season with a record of 4-4-2.  The Whalers are now awaiting their opponent for the first round of the playoffs next week.

Captain, and head weasel Brian Boytanio seemed very pleased by his team regular season performance.  "We played great as a team this year.  I think this was a great stepping stone in the right direction of the organization.  We doubled our wins, from the previous two seasons combined, and double our attendance at the gate.   I'm waiting on a shipment of Whaler merchandise from China, to further profit our season.  Anybody want a vintage Waterford Whalers hoodie, worn by the original Whalers back in the inaugural season of 2009."

2009 Vintage Whalers Hoodie

Although the Whalers were still mediocre on offense this season, the defense was terrific led by Goaltender Sargent Slaughter, who led all goalies with a GAA of 2.47 and a SV% of .968.  He also became a leader on this team by expressing his voice in the locker-room, with great in game insight and strategy.   The Slaughter express his thoughts of an above average season. 

"We played terrific in the beginning of the season.  I thought for sure, we would run the table and finish in the top 3.  However we had some injuries, some people now showing up, the Arenas adding sunshine and rainbows, and Hayes bailing out to go to the beach with underage minors.  But we hung in there, and I'm ready to compete for my 16th championship all-time as a men's league goalie."

Head coach Master P, not pleased by his heroic coaching job and team's regular season performance.  "We could of really been 8-2 on the season.  We left a lot of opportunities out there, and we need to generate more offense.  I'm going to make this team skate twice as hard in practice this week, and if they don't like they can go sit on the bench!  This is a game for men, not pansies who have a million excuses instead of winning.  Excuses are like the mole on my ass, in ain't pretty and it hurts."

Come out and support the Whalers as they try to make a playoff push next Monday.  Also contact Boytanio if you would like a vintage Whalers hoodie, or t-shirt.

Go Whale Go!

Swiss Cheese Ronda Revenge

Without JD, and a few other Whalers.  The Waterford Whalers had to call on some reserves to replace their shorten line-up.  With Gang Green refusing to play with Boytanio, "I will not step on the same rink as that dick weasel Boytatnio"

Coach Master P had to do the unthinkable and call up the car Arena to fill the lineup.  "I really didn't want to have the cancer in the locker-room back on the team.   And cancer I mean Steve Arena.  But nobody else wanted to play for the Whalers.  I figured only a few shifts wouldn't hurt the chemistry on this team.  But I was clearly wrong."

JD feeling guilty for leaving Master P to drink alone in the locker room.  Made a stop at the Skatezone after a night at the gentleman's club Shakers.  "I had a few shots with Master P, than only stayed for the first period.  It was awful to watch our team play like that.  I couldn't bare to watch anymore, so it was time to go back to Shakers."

The Whalers with only 2 subs, were clobbered by the supremacy of the first place Shop Rite.  Swiss Cheese Ronda was rather bored in net, by only seeing 12 shots on goal.  "I could of brought my lazzy boy sofa, and watch a nice cooking show about 101 ways to use Swiss Cheese.  Those Whalers looked sluggish, and dis-interested in the game.  I thought coach Master P, was going to blow an artery, from his constant yelling at Steve Arena."

Shop Rite easy cruised to a 11-1 mercy win, by the beginning of the third period.  It was the worse lost for the Whalers this season, and has now moved them into 5th place with a 4-2-1 record.

Master P wasn't too pleased after the game, "Well it looks like were back to being the worse team in Skatezone history.  Next time, I would rather have no substitutions, than have car Arena on this team.  I thought after the outdoor Whalers winning a championship, maybe some of that winning would rub off on this team.  Nope, Steve Arena still sucks."

Swiss Cheese Ronda was very happy for his revenge on Boytanio and his car run government of a team.  "Revenge was so sweet.  I might be Swiss Cheese, but the Arenas and the Whalers stink like moldy cheese!"

Only Stilts had any time to talk to the media after the game. 

Mr. Stilts what were your thoughts about the game tonight?
"It was bad.  Their is really nothing else to say, but that we suck tonight."

What were your thoughts about adding the Car Arena to the team?
"I have nothing bad to say about those guys.  They are really nice people.  But as hockey players go, they are not the most talented bunch.  Plus their constant sunshine and rainbows talk is a bit much. Like I didn't sign up to join a cult.  Lay off the koolaid guys, this isn't that much fun."

Do you see this team competing for the Championship?
"If we get back some of our danglers, than yes.  We were playing really well for the first half of the season, and if we get back to that level, I don't see why not."

Now, your contract expires after this season.  Are you going to re-sign with the Whalers or are you going to test the free agency market?
"I can't comment on that right now. I've grown with this organization, and have won here as well.  My agent will handle negotiations, and we'll come to that decision in the off season.  Now, I'm concentrated on winning, and playing for coach Master P."

The Whalers will try to redeem themselves in their next match-up on Monday against the Lone Rangers at 10pm.  Show up and receive a free Boytanio chauffeur's cap complements of the Gentleman's Club Shakers.  Club Shakers; great food, great fun, and great tits and ass.   Only minutes away from the Flyers Skatezone. 

Free Boytanio Chauffeur's hat. 

JD Lost for the Season

In a dramatic turn of events, veteran and Daily Whaler supporter JD has been sidelined with a torn MCL and ACL.  Medical examiner of the Waterford Whalers has JD missing the rest of this season, and possible the rest of the Spring Season.

When reached for comment about his injury JD had this to say " Serves me right playing after drinking tequila."
 '
The indoor Whalers are coming off an impressive 13-4 victory on Monday night, and have climbed into Championship contention with a 4-1-1 record.  Goaltender Sargent Slaughter has been mighty impressive in net, by leading all goaltenders with a 3.21 GAA.    "I'm getting ready for my 16th championship!" a boastful Slaughter replied

Coach Master P, now has to go to his reserve roster to replace the leadership of JD.  "This is going to be tough, to find a person who would pound some beers, and take a few shots of tequila before the game.  Its not going to be the same drinking by myself in the locker-room." Master P explained.

The next opponent for the Whalers are the talented Shop Rite team, that is alone in first place, with Swiss Cheese Ronda in net.   "I'm going to make Boytanio, wish he never kicked me off the team.  Than he didn't have the courage to tell me I was kicked off.  I had to find out through the Whalers equipment manager, that I was not allowed to come back.  What a weasel that Boytanio guy is."

Picture of Brian Boytanio, in Weasel form

 

 
JD, thinks the Whalers should go in a different direction for his replacement  "I really think we have a chance to win it all this season.  I would be satisfied with a Rosco Gang Green addition to the roster.  Granted he skates like a mule, has a shot of a fly swatter, and the speed of a tortoise.  His heart is a great complement to the roster.  My drinking habit was due to the constant sunshine and rainbows by car arena.  Just the thought of it, makes me crave a bottle of Bourbon.  With Gang Green, he will fight hard, or will fall over with a concussion.  Its time the Whalers wise up and call the services of the General Rosco Gang Green!"

Management has yet to make a decision on the matter, and will make a roster move before next week's game. 

La Stanley

Whalers Champions of the Outdoors

It had come down to only one goal to decide the Whalers season.  One chance for redemption of a miserable regular season, one chance of reclaiming glory from the past, one chance of regaining respect from the Waterford community,  and one chance to win their third game of the season.

A hard fought game between the Peter North Stars as scene in this photo,

 

and the Waterford Whalers were on showcase last night in the First Glory Day Sports Roller Hockey Championship.  In the regular season the Peter North Stars had their way with the Whalers, by beating them three times, and even recently a 7-1 victory on Monday.  

But this was a new look Whalers with the addition of Joey Lawrence from Blossom that had added a scoring touch in the absence of Coldplay and Master P.

Captain Quads, had a strategy to contain the Peter North Stars high powered offense.  "From previous games, they would just put their fat guys next to the goalie and wait for a long pass.  I decided to wait back in the defensive end, and distract their fat guys by waiving a gobbler shorti from WaWa in their face.  No fat man can resist the delicious turkey and smothering gravy of a WaWa gobbler."

It was a very defensive tight game, as neither team wanted to end their season in defeat.  Slashes, body checks, block shots were a plenty from both sides. 

Closing seconds of the game the Whalers had a 3-2 lead, but the North Stars tired of the Turkey Gobbler enticing, made a charge at the Whaler goal.   Fat Guy number 3 took a explosive slap shot from the top of the circle and redirected it off of A1's skate for the game tying goal. 

Steve Arena not too pleased about the game tying goal, quickly won the face off and charged down the right wing, and scored the apparent game winning goal.   Fat guy number 4 complained that Steve Arena had dislodged the net, and Fat guy number 1 and 5 also had a complaint. 

"That's no goal!" the group of fat men shouted

Afraid and alarmed of the upset fat men, the referees decided the goal to be disallowed and overtime would have to settle the outcome of the game.

From the Whaler bench, a disappointed and uncertain wave of despaired had stormed the confidence of the team.  Late Roster Addition Joey Lawrence from Blossom calm the storm and gave his team a roaring speech.  "Guys, Chill out.  Steve Arena we know you scored that goal.  It no big deal dude.  When I was on the television show Blossom, things like this would happen all the time.  You know what I would do, I would take a swig of my Pepsi, and say its going to be alright Blossom.  Nobody cares that you look like a horse, with a mini-skirt."

A1 Steak Sauce confused about the direction of Joey Lawrence's speech intervened  "Ah...I don't really care about a television show that was on when i was a baby Steak Sauce Bottle.  Can we just win this game.   I don't think any of us are going to make it to the championship ever again.  So lets win it now!"

Within minutes of the overtime, A1 feed a wide open Joey Lawrence who ripped a shot from the far left slot.  He shot it high to the blocker side, as the ball was in mid-air.  Only thoughts of the turmoil season, Boytanio shunning out the Chief Editor, Gang Green, Master P, Matt Arena complaining the Daily Whaler is borderline cyber bullying but yet he can't get enough, Steve Arena complaining that the sun is too hot, and at that very moment it was over.  

 The Outdoor Whalers were Champions of the Glory Day Sports League 2010

Marlton Miracle

Inspiring one of the greatest upsets in the history of Men's League Outdoor Hockey.  The Waterford Whalers triumph 4-1 last night against the heavily favorite Money Shot.  It also ended a 7 game losing streak and a 35 game losing streak for Steve Arena.

When reached for comment about ended his own personal losing streak.  Steve Arena had only tears of joy of finally being able to share a victory with his own teammates.  

In the game action Boytanio was very impressive in goal stopping 35 shots, and only allowing 1 goal in the game.  Gang Green had this to say about the number 1 star of the game “Boytanio must of blown up gigantic balloon animals, and stuff them in his chest protector to make illegal saves.  I think Glory Day Sports should look into the size of his pads, and ban them for the championship game.”

Captain Quads was a decisive factor in the game, by making tremendous defensive plays on Little Joey.  His determination of staying back, and not shooting into his own net, provided a stranglehold on team Money Shot’s offensive abilities.  

“I’m so ecstatic to make it back to the championship.  I feel bad for Money Shot, who went 6-2 in the regular season and lost to an inferior Whaler team that finished dead last with a 1-7 record. But this is why I love this game” Quads replied.

Gritty Forward John Valentino gave credit to the Whalers for ending a disappointing season for his team Money Shot “I have to give credit where credit is due.  Those guys played well, and if they win the Championship with a 1-7 regular season record, than so be it.   I would just like to see Matt Arena wear some longer shorts.   Newsflash short-shorts were fashionable in the 80s and with wildlife experts.   Everyone is tired of seeing your ginger balls, flapping in the wind, when you skate around the neutral zone.  Cover up those fire beads, for the love of god”

The Outdoor Whalers will try to become the first team ever to win more games in the post-season, than the regular season on Thursday Night at 7:30pm.  Show up and wear your Whaler pride with Honor.  

Shop Rite Orders a Swiss Cheese Ronda

 At the local Shop Rite Deli a man walks to the counter and places an order. 

"Yes, Can I have a pound of salami, a half pound of ham, a pound of american cheese, and a pound of liverwourst"  the man asks

The Deli Clerk responds to the man "Will that be all?"

The Man thinks to himself and remembers one more item on his deli list.  "Oh, I alsmost forgot can I get a half pound of Swiss Cheese?"

Their is a silence, that overcomes the busy Shop Rite Deli.   The Deli Clerk looks around and with a stern face replies to the man.  "Sir.  We haven't had swiss cheese in Shop Rite Delis for ages."

"What do you mean?  I just came here last week and got a half pound of swiss."  the man responds.

"Well, its a very long story.  The management apparently had a fight with a customer who would buy swiss cheese and eat it in the store.  It got to the point, that other customers would mimic his swiss cheese eating habits as well.  So, they realize to stop ordering Swiss Cheese, and the problem would go away.  But it didn't.  I'm going to have to ask you now to stop talking about our non-selection of swiss cheese products"  the deli clerk explains.

The Man confuse about the lack of Swiss Cheese, takes his pound of salami, half pound of ham, pound of American Cheese, and pound of liverwurst and exits the Shop Rite Deli. While on his drive home, the man notices his check engine light on in his car.  "Oh, what the hell." the man complains.

Late at night, with not many stores open.  The man decides to pull into the Hammonton Roll-Away, and ask to use their telephone.  As the man, opens the front door, he smells a very familiar aroma.  He sniffs the air and is delighted at the odor.  "It smells like a grilled swiss-cheese sandwich!" the man joyfully yells.

To his surprise, he see's a large slice of Swiss Cheese playing goalie.  He turns to one of the spectators and asks a question.  "Why is there a large slice of Swiss Cheese playing goal?" the man asks

The spectator replies "He used to be a regular human being goaltender.  Than he played a season for the Waterford Whalers, and allowed a record high 12 goals a game.  It got so bad that his white blood cells turned into pasteurized Swiss cheese.   He tried to fight it.  He even went out and bought bigger pads.  But it was too late.  By the last game of the season, he had completely turned into a slice of Swiss cheese."

The man walks up to the large slice of Swiss Cheese.  "Hey, I just was at the Shop Rite, and they are completely out of you.  Would you be interested, working at the Deli Counter?" the man asked

 The Large piece of Swiss Cheese replies "No, its too late.  I'm already on the Shop Rite Men's roller hockey team.  And I'm itching for a victory against those Waterford Whalers on November 18 at 10pm.  Boytanio you are going down!  This time the Swiss will be back, and I'm ready to transform into my human form again.  People will be praising the re-birth of Swiss Cheese Ronda!"

Stilts Demands More Coverage of the Indoor Whalers

Whalers veteran and Daily Whaler supporter Stilts has demanded more press coverage of the indoor Waterford Whalers organization. "Nobody cares about an outdoor team, that is 1-5 and is on pace for another disgraceful season.  Its time the people were informed about the Indoor Whalers team.  Head Coach Master P, has motivated me to care once again for the game of roller hockey.  I was contemplating retirement, but once I heard the soft spoken voice of Master P address this team, I only wanted to skate my heart out for this fiery head coach."

With only 2 games into the season, the Indoor Whalers are 1-1.  Master P still has higher exceptions for a team that has been accustomed to losing the past 2 seasons.  ""Once this team realizes that the caner in the locker room, has been removed like a tumorous mole on their behind.  We shall overcome any obstacles.  I want Boytanio to skate harder, and stop moping on the bench that his better half isn't playing on this team.  I believe Boytanio, can be a great player some day.  But first, he has to rid himself of his past, and the ones who used him as puppet in their exploitative car government."

The Indoor Whalers will try to improve their record on Monday as they host the Brewins at 9:00pm.  Come out and support your hometown Waterford Indoor team.

Go Whale Go!

Short Bench Whalers Lose 4th Straight

"We are going to win this game!"  an advocate A1 Steak Sauce proclaimed.  A message that didn't resonate with the rest of the team, as the Waterford Whalers continue their slid into the basement cellar of the Glory Day Sports Roller Hockey League.

Coldplay and A.I. were not in attendance, as they have already given up on a team, a season, and a poorly run organization headed by the Car Arena government.  Coldplay had few words to explain, his absence from last night's game.  "I'm tired of losing."

Without Coldplay and A.I. the Whalers had to skate with only 5 skaters.  When ask about getting substitutions to fill the rest of the roster, Boytanio seemed unalarmed.   "It's only outdoor roller hockey.  Granted the rink is full size, and all of the other teams have 12 skaters a side.  We are the Whalers, we need to play the entire game.  Plus I don't have to hear Steve Arena complain that he is not playing enough on the car ride home."

Team Money Shot led by Gee Smiley, with Little Joey, DeNafo, Valentino, and goon thug Umosella harpooned a Whaler team, that was in dire need of a win, and a substitute.  Gee Smiley didn't give the Whaler squad much recognition.  "I'm so glad, I didn't join that dysfunctional organization.  When, you only have 5 skaters show up to a game is a joke.  They should change their name to the Waterford I want to play the Entire Game by myself Whalers instead."

Captain Quad's performance of 1goal and 1 assist was the only positive outcome of the game.  "At least this time, I didn't shoot the ball in my own net" a boastful Quads commented.

With only three games remaining in the season, the Whalers will try to finish with a 4-4 record.  Upset fan, and local thespian Gang Green, had some stirring words for the Whaler team, and organization "Its time to roll over and let the blood thicken, from the constant mutilation.  So now the Whalers are 1-4.  Not a surprise, when you have Boytanio in net sulking about his sad clown opera.  This is disgraceful.  Quads, and A1 its not to late to jump ship.  Back up the truck. This season is over!"

Contributor to the Daily Whaler, Master P sent this twitter message to the Daily Whaler news desk "Steve Arena you suck!"

The Tide has Turn

 What started out as a very promising season for the Outdoor Whalers, has now turn into a 3 game losing streak.  The Whalers have lost to Money Shot, Connor, and the Marlton Circle Coneheads in the past week alone.  Blame could be put on the presence of Steve Arena in the Whalers line-up, but captain Quads has positive words about his hard working forward.

"I think Steve Arena, is one of our best forwards.  He knows where to be, and has a more uplifting attitude this season.  Its like, he has terminated the dark looming clouds around him, and took a swig of that car Arena koolaid."

Ever since the car accident before the game on Tues, Coldplay, A.I., and A1 have been dumbfound on offense.  Their inability to score, and lackluster attitude has reason for concern in the Whaler lockerroom.  When reached for comment A.I. has this to say "I don't why this Quad guy, keep on yelling at us to get ready for the game.  We just got in a car accident! What does he expect?  I'm sure if his toe stoppers were rear ended, he too would be in a state of shock."

The Big 3 has combined for 2goals,  1 assist, -10 and 3 own goals in the last three games.  As compared to 10goals 7assists, and a +18 in the first game of the season.  Without the production of The Big 3, the Whalers have a very little chance of victory.

Superstar of The Big 3 Coldplay has this to say about his meager offensive production, "I can't score any goals, if nobody passes me the ball.  That Quad skate guy, needs to stop making turnovers, and feed me some passes in the slot.  Ruling the world, and rolling the dice is a tough job when you can't receive a decent pass."

At the moment the Whalers are back in the cellar at 1-3, but still have four more regular season games to improve their record.

Captain Quad's had some motivational words to his team "We need to get back to the basics and play hockey.  No more standing around, like a scarecrow.  We have to play positionally, and Boytanio needs to learn to make a save on a break-away.  I don't understand why he won't allow the General Rosco Gang Green to play goal.  At least Gang Green will bring heart and fire to the team, instead of a sad sneaky weasel, who flounders around in net, like he was the catch of the day at the Fisherman Marine Market."

Master P Wins Debut as Whalers Head Coach

Just as the leaves change colors for the autumn season, the Waterford Whalers begin their 2010 fall indoor season.  Its a new beginning for an organization that has struggle over the past two seasons.  In the off-season GM Boytanio signed Championship Goaltender Sargent Slaughter Steve to a 1year contract, that includes a "free jersey clause."

Sargent Slaughter Steve was happy to return to the Waterford Whalers, where he had such great success.  "Its great to back, I was getting tired of watching Barlow trip and fall over himself every game with the Outlaws.  I'm also happy to play for coach Master P, who has run a tight training camp.  Even though he shows up stoned out of his mind, his voice is poetic in the locker-room.  The repetitive phrase I heard was "You guys suck! Now skate 20 laps around the rink, as I drink my Thai Latte."

Last night the dejected Prom Kings hosted the Whalers to open the 2010 Fall campaign.  It was a very heated battled, as the Prom Kings were told before the game, that their prom dates were at home watching Dancing with the Stars instead of attending their game.

From the very beginging of the game Coach P were running quick line changes, and was a loud voice on the bench.  The Prom Kings, were also baffled of the defensive strategy Coach P had concocted. 

Master P went into further detail about the system he implanted into the Whalers.  "I know the Whalers have difficult times scoring goals, so I decided to play a more defensive style.  I put one fore-checker in the offensive zone, and put a diamond of three defensemen in the neutral and defensive zone.  I called it the Master P lock."

Nobody gets through the Master P Lock

 

 

In the game action upcoming star, Stilts led the offensive play.  He had 4 goals and 2 assists to help the Whalers with a 6 goal performance.  Holding the defensive fort was Sargent Slaughter Steve, who made tremendous saves down the stretch, denying the Prom Kings golden scoring opportunities. 

The Whalers won 6-5, matching already the total goal output from last season.  Coach P had some encouraging words for his Whalers "Tonight we suck!  I want to win every game this season by 8 goals or more.  If we want to compete with the Big Boys in this league, we have to score more, and play better defense.  Now boys, go skate another 20 laps and watch me drink this Caramel Mocha Frappuccino."

Go Whale Go!

The Big 3

The Outdoor Whalers have high expectations from their opening night victory of 10-4 against the Marlton Circle Coneheads.  Led by the powerhouse trio of Coldplay, Quads, and A1 steaksauce, who contributed all 10 goals.

Coach A.I, has crowned the trio, as "The Big 3." He commented further on the performance out of his top line.  "When you have the talent of a British pop star, a bottle of premium steak sauce, and vintage skating devices, it is a recipe for success."

Unlike past seasons, where the Whalers struggle to score goals, the Outdoor Whalers have a very serious scoring threat.  Credit is due to head GM "Chief Editor" who signed A1 and Coldplay.

GM Chief Editor had this to say "I got tired of watching Montel and Steve Arena shooting the puck 25 feet wide, and blame it out the strong wind currents inside the Flyer's Skate Zone.  Winners don't make excuses.  So I went out and sign Coldplay and A1 who come with a better attitude and stronger work ethic on scoring goals."

Quads, the other of "The Big 3" was very pleased with the performance from his line.  "The other teams in the Marlton League have no chance against us.   We have Coldplay, whom rules the world every-time he skates.  Than their is A1 who is an offense explosion of delicious steak sauce.   The other team tries to contain him, but they get a face full of that tangy steak sauce in their face.  Than their is I, Quad "F Kennedy" Skates.  I was born to play outdoors.  I fought hard for the Waterford Hockey Lights, without the help of the Arenas.  I stood up to the oppressive Waterford Township Committee and demanded our outdoor roller hockey.  My historic and crowd stirring speech I gave that one cold day in March still remnants to the few who remember these words.  Give me hockey, or give me death."

As long as the Outdoor Whalers continues to get production out of "The Big 3" line, a championship looks very realistic to a franchise that has been bottom dwellers for 2 seasons.

Waterford Whaler contributor Master P has this to say about the Outdoor Whalers "Without Steve Arena's negativity and dooming dark clouds in the locker-room.  The Whalers will win a Championship."

Whalers go Outdoors

 To further boost team morale and ticket sales, the Waterford Whalers have expanded their indoor franchise to an outdoor organization.  The Whalers now have an indoor team and outdoor team.  Two teams, two leagues, one grand ambitious goal of adequate play.

Our field reporter and outdoor extraordinaire "Quad F. Kennedy Skates", or as the ladies call him Quads.  Sent this report to the Daily Whaler News Desk.  

Hi this is Quads, for the Daily Whaler news team.  I'm here outside, where hockey should be played. No hot indoor leagues, with mustache aficionados plumber referees.  Its just clean air, and the hard asphalt of ball roller hockey.

Last night's game saw the Whalers dominant against the Marlton Circle Coneheads.  As I first approached the rink, I was hounded, booed and ridiculed upon by some racist Quad users.   These 3 puck/ball sluts were watching their boyfriends on the other team. When I first came out I saw them pointing and laughing at me- until I went quad crazy from end to end making everyone look like a cone and scoring on their Swiss cheese Ronda impersonator goalie.

Some guy checked me behind the net that Boytano was working in.  I retaliated with a shove and a "My Quads don't take any crap form anybody" attitude but their team got a penalty. A1 steak sauce splurge his delicious steak sauce all over the Marlton Circle Coneheads with a 4 goal effort.  The man known for ruling the world Coldplay had a hat-trick, while nursing a broken skate.  He rolled the dice, with toe drags and sniper shooting that had grown men crying yellow.  

I, Quads had 3 goals and a assist as well.  My blistering turn-around no look wrist shot were no match for goalie Conehead.  His large cone shape head, was dizzy from the constant goal scoring.  It was a shooter gallery as the big 3, Quads, A1, and Coldplay light the lamp to no regards.

Steve Arena and Montel were no shows, as they were at the "Million Miserable Man March" in Washington D.C.  Their motto is "We're here and we have a laundry list of complaints that we're not happy about." 

Without the tenacious "I only care about my playing time duo."  The Whalers were cohesive, with terrific team effort led by new head coach A.I.   He wasn't as good as the Collins or Master P but we definitely benefited from A.I.'s working knowledge of the game.

Mini-Boytanio and Matt Arena didn't show up on the scoring card, but A.I. will have a training camp before next Tuesday's game to improve their offense abilities. 

Our only competition should be the Gee Smiley team, that recruited Waterford Elite player Little Joey.  But the way we played last night, the outdoor Whalers should have an easy road to a championship.  Get your champagne on ice, and championship Lady Gaga videos ready.  This year the Whalers will harpoon the Marlton Outdoor League.  As one wise man told me;"heart, determination, skill, defense, ability to score,  and lack of complaining wins."

Go Outdoor Whale Go!

On, by the way here is the number 1, 2, and 3rd star of the game.

Eat your heart out Marlton Circle Coneheads

Viva la Quads! Viva la Quads!

New Sheriff

Days before the start of the fall 2010 season, management has made a drastic shake up to the Waterford Whalers.  We take you live, to a press conference held at the Waterford Gardens.

"Thank you all, for arriving at this historic press conference.  We've come to the conclusion, that our Whalers (garbage scrappers of the Bronze league), need a full make over for the upcoming fall season.  First we gave our beat reporter Master P a premonition to head coach. 

So I would like to introduce our new coach.  He comes with a great knowledge of wisdom attained from his wilderness tour in Nevada and California.   He is also a straight shooter, so no cupcake sunshine and rainbows to cover up poor performances.  I present the Waterford elite. The man with the sledgehammer of a shot....

Master P!"

Master P stands to a cheerful roar of optimism as he approaches the podium. 

"Hello fellow members of the Waterford media.  My first action as head coach is to cut Steve Arena.  Now that the cancer of the locker-room is gone, we can get down to business.  I'm not going to sugar coat it.  Our roster sucks.  As of now, we're in negotiations to acquire some better talent to the squad.  The team from last season was god awful.  But, I think with a few new gun-slingers on this team, we should be decent.

I'm not promising glory days of championships like in the Winter 2010 season.  But we need to first get out of the cellar, and be a respectable team.

Also I would  like to instate, a policy of no sunshine and rainbows.  If I even see anybody hugging or making out in the locker-room, you're ass is gone. 

I would like to remember everyone on the team, that you were the worse Men's League team in the history of Skate Zone last season.  So if you want to win, pour that Arena Kool-aid down the toilet and learn to play the game of hockey.  We're going to have intense video sessions.  Constant drills of skating, shooting, passing, and making proper line changes. 

And if I hear one person complain about playing time, you can watch the rest of the game from the bench.  This season, the Whalers will regain respect.

One Love."

Master P gives the crowd a peace sign, and marches off of the podium.

Fall 2010 Season

The Fall 2010 season, will begin shortly.  There is a captain's meeting on Sept 13 at 630pm, and each team needs a $300 deposit.  Also this season, every player must pay a flat fee of $150 and have at least 8 players on the roster. 

Skate-zone is enforcing that every player must pay in full by the first game.  It sounds like Skate-zone is trying to get their shit together.  Having the flat-rate of $150 of each player, puts less pressure on the captain to collect the money.  As in the last season Boytanio had to shell out an extra $500 bucks to keep the Whalers franchise afloat.  

Management has not made any decisions yet on the status of the puppet government Car Arena leadership, but speculations are something will change prior to the start of the fall season.  As of now, save up some money and be prepare for the fall season to start in late September or earlier October. 

Go Whale Go

The Fans Speak

The outrage of another terrible season by the Whalers have cause an uproar by the legion of Waterford fans.  Here are some of their comments, e-mailed to The Daily Whaler.

SuckitBoytanio00 writes"After all those gold medals Boytanio, how could you assemble such an awful team.  You wouldn't help the Whalers in previous seasons, on playing goalie, but now the Arenas demand you to play goal, its a different story.  Great job of destroying such a proud organization."

Whalerchampion2010 writes "What happen to the glory days of winning?  After this season, I might as well become a Toronto Maple Leafs fan.  At least i can still relive the championship video on the daily whaler.  Better luck next year.

TheMaster writes: "Ever since this organization acquired Steve Arena from the "Dark Clouds". the Whalers have been horrendous.  He sucks.  His brother sucks.  Boytanio sucks.  I can't say anything positive except that at-least JD shows up drunk before the games to ease the suffering of losing.

Rainbowsunshine24/7 writes "Great effort Whalers.  I had a great time watching the games, and making out with Boytanio in the locker room :) :)  Next time, I'll wear the leather, ha ha ha.  You boys are great!!!"

Quadkingdom92 writes "Quads, I was really impress with the 321 turnovers you had this season.  It was such an step-up from the 678 turnovers you had last season.  If only you could of made a few less turnovers, maybe the Whalers would of finished 8th instead of 9th place.  Keep up the great work Quads, you're still my favorite Whaler!

Whalerider5000 writes "In all, I thought the Whalers were improving towards the end of the season.  The games were close, and the effort was there.  My only complaint would to teach Montel, to stop taking too many men penalties.  Like how hard is the concept,  of only 4 skates allowed on the rink.  Maybe less long hours of promoting "Cash for Loans"  and a busy daytime talk-show would improve his performance.  Keep the faith, and Go Whale Go.

Last Place Disgrace

To further plummet the franchise in disgrace, the Waterford Whalers finished up the season in dead last  to conclude the 2010 summer season.  An even lower blow, was the fact the Whalers finish last in the lowest division.  They are now, the worse team to participate at the Flyers Skate Zone Men's league.

When asked about the Whalers performance this past season, co-captain Matt Arena had very uplifting words.  "Ahh....I don't think our record indicates how well we are as a team.  I was looking over the schedule and we played most of the better teams in the division.  If we got a more favorable schedule, I think we would of at-least finish 7th instead of 9th.  But it was still better than winning championships.  Like I had so much fun this season.  I can't wait till next season to have some more fun."

Management is none to please on the job of Boytanio and his puppet government the Arenas.  "As an organization, we can care less about the fun.  We want to stay competitive, and win games.  The past two seasons our beloved Whalers have been a disgrace to the Waterford Hockey community.  We're looking into bringing the Chief Editor back from Morocco, and structuring a better roster."

So this concludes another heart-break season, in which the Whalers went through numerous goalie changes, Steve Arena not crackling a smile, and Montel scoring only 3 goals.

An anonymous Whaler had this to say "If we don't shake things up and get some better talent on this team, we might as well change our names to the Bad News Whalers."

Stay tune for any off season moves, and news.

One Love,
Beat Reporter Master P

The Kool-Aid Runs Dry

This is beat reporter Master P for The Daily Whaler.  It appears Car Arena's hypnotic kool-aid has been spiked to reality.  The Whalers lost back to back games this week to plummet their record to 2-6 on the season.  When reached for comment GM Boytanio had this to say about his team "Well, at least we're having fun"

Well Mr. Boytanio, apparently the rest of your team doesn't share the same attitude.  An anonymous whaler had this to say about the Car Arena disillusionment  "It’s like they don’t even know they’re getting their ass kicked…I don’t like losing, but for them it’s all, smiles, happiness and rainbows.”

Also Montel, set an all time record last night, for the most too many men penalties in a season.  He now has 5 too many penalties, which broke the record previously held by a cat on roller blades.  

The ref had to inform Montel that he is not allowed to skate on the rink, when his team already has the maximum of 4 skaters.  The Whaler bench decided to prevent another penalty by giving Montel proper clearance to hop off the bench.  The entire bench shouted "Green light Montel Go! Go! Go!"

Overall the Whalers were terrible, turned the puck over in transition, got caught pinching on defense, and pucks weren’t bouncing their way….and what’s worse, this Team is running out of excuses.   It’s so bad that Quads is considering going back to actual Quad skates, “What’s the difference?” he said at least we’d have a new excuse to use. 

On the positive side, the AC seems to be working well in the building. 

One Love,
Master P

The Wholly Monk

Hi this is Master P for The Daily Whaler.  The Whalers split their two games this week with a 1-1 record.  I caught up with new back-up goalie "Wholly Monk" to reflect on the past games.

Master P "What were your first thoughts about playing for the Whalers"

Wholly Monk: "I read about them on the daily whaler, and heard very negative things.  I thought to myself do I really want to play for a team that finish 1-11 in the previous season.  But I told my head master Swiss Cheese Ronda I would fill in for him, as he went on his journey to patch his holes."

Master P "Is that how you obtain, your holes yourself from Swiss Cheese Ronda?"

Wholly Monk "No, no no.  You see I've too be playing goalie for awhile.  And after a few seasons, your body begins to wear down from all the goals being scored.  So naturally I obtain the holes.  I've learned to nurture my holes, and be one with my hole.  I'm  a very spiritual person, so these holes, are just an extension of my living soul. You have to welcome the holes.  Let the holes know you're ok with their presence.  The wholes are a metaphor of life.  That obstacles are thrown at your way, and you have to overcome them by looking past the holes.  The holes also symbolize the sun God Ra.  To let the light in, a hole is formed.

Master P begins to snore, and the Wholly Monk gets rather upset
"Are you sleeping?"

Master P "Where the hell am I"

Wholly Monk "You were interviewing me."

Master P  "Who are you?  Where did all my stuff go?"

Wholly Monk "You're in my house.  You came over here to do an interview for the daily whaler."

Master P "Oh yeah.  So what were your feelings, when you first entered the whaler locker-room?"

Wholly Monk "At first, I was appalled by the extreme rainbows, and sunshine in the locker-room.  I saw half the team hugging, and laughing with each other.  I turned to a gentlemen named Stilts and asked him what was going on.  He said "don't worry they only hug the ones who drink the kool-aid"

Master P "Did you drink the Kool-aid?"

Wholly Monk "No. I might be a free spirit, but I'm not into the homo-erotic love fest before a game.  Like can't those guys wait until the game is over."

Master P "Who impressed you the most on the Whalers?

Wholly Monk "Stilts.  He was a very good skater, and was the only person who acknowledge me.  Everyone else was cool and very nice.  Except Boytanio.  That guy was a total dick."

Master P "Boytanio is a dick."

Wholly Monk "Yeah what is up with that."

Master P "He is a puppet in the Car Arena Empire."

Wholly Monk "You know what.  I noticed that.  Those Arenas made him fill up their water bottles, tie their skates, drive them to the game, pay for their fruit snacks, polish their helmets, spit shine their protective cups, while they didn't even show a grain of gratitude."

Master P "So whats next for the Wholly Monk?"

Wholly Monk "I plan on playing the next 2 games, if Boytanio allows me.   If not, I will continue to pray for another opportunity to play goal.  But for now all I can do is pray, and be one with the holes."

The Whalers will host their next 2 games next Mon, and Tues.  Come out and cheer for your home-town Whalers.

One Love,
Master P

Whalers lose Again

The Daily Whaler, has announced the signing of Beat reporter Master P, to cover the Waterford Whalers for the rest of the season.  Here is his report from last night's game.

Happiness, and rainbows that the Car Arena Koolaid has to offer is starting to wear thin on the Whalers last night.

A heartbreaking 6-5 defeat against an inferior Bronze league team, has created turmoil in the lockerroom.  Speculations of releasing star goaltender Swiss Cheese Ronda, and superstar forward Montel have been talked about by GM Boytanio.

With the lack of goal scoring, the Whalers are in the talks of obtaining offense by trading Montel to the heated rival Bulldogs.

Boytaino had this comment "Right now we're not scoring any goals, so we're looking at the possibilities of acquiring offense to the Whalers.  Are only trade bait, we have is Montel.  His contract runs out after this season, so we're exploring options to better our team."

Montel was none to please to hear these trade rumors "I can't believe they would trade the all time goal scoring leading of the franchise away.  But at the same time, I'm not very happy with the media of the Waterford Whalers.  I don't appreciate being made fun of.  I'm Montel, I take this shit seriously."

Right after Montel made this comment, the Daily whaler posted this picture of Montel

Swiss Cheese Ronda hasn't helped his cause this season.  He has allowed an Goals Against average of 6.98 Goals a game, and is creating more wholes in his cheese each time he plays.  At the rate he is going, he will disappear into a alternative universe by slipping into a black hole he created.

 The Whalers are none to please with his play, and are debating about putting the Swiss on the Waver Wire.

Boytaino defended his Swiss Cheese of a goalie "We can't blame Ronda for all the troubles we had this season.  I'm having fun, Arenas are having fun, Stilts is having fun, Montel is having fun and the rest of the team is having fun.  So in the end, we're having fun.  Plus I don't want to play goalie.  I care more about the fun."

So to conclude Steve Arena, You Suck!

One Love,
Beat Reporter Master P

Lower League. Same Results.

This is off the sportcourt reporter Master P reporting live outside of the Flyers Skate Zone.

I've show up to buy some strawberry milk, from the Nestle vending machine, and noticed the standings in the Bronze Mens league.  At the very bottom are the Whalers at 1-3., even  under the Santos's Bulldogs. 

Don't drink the koolaid.  Car Arena sucks.  Boytanio Sucks.  Steve Sucks.  Matt Sucks.  Their 3 midgets in a trench-coat they suck too.  

The happiness and rainbows they promise, is only a disguise.  Unless you want to be stuff into Boytanios trunk, and forced to wait on the Arenas at all hours of the day.

Boytanio shows no leadership, he lets Montel do whatever he wants.  Here is a clip of Montel in last weeks game, notice how happy he is




 Oh, I hear the ice cream man driving down the street.  This is Master P, for The Daily Whaler

One Love,
Master P

Go Lovebugs!!!!

The Drop off!

Lovebugs, time is ticking away!

We need deposits in the amount of 293.45 from every Lovebug on the roster.

If you could please put the cash , or check in a purple envelope.  Call Boytanio on his cell-phone, and then he will give you vivid instructions of the drop off.

It is important that we be discrete about this.

All Hail Lovebugs!!!!

Final Lovebug Addition

Hey there guys.  I wanted to announce our final Lovebug to our 6 man roster.  You might recognize him from his days at Sesame Street as a game show host.  He also tends to frequent the Waterford Hockey rink 2 months out of the entire year.  His positive attitude and hard working demeanor will mesh well in the Lovebugs locker room.

Give a Lovebugs welcome to Gee Smiley.

Now our roster is complete with Steve, Matt, Boytanio, Stilts, JD, and Ronda.  Deposit is due on the 21st of May, so i will have Boytanio pick it up from each individual player.

Also I'm holding a team meeting next week, at a secret location.   Boytanio will pick everyone up in the Lovebug van at any given moment .  You will be blind folded, and forced into the 12 passenger Lovebug mobile. 

More information will be posted or await for further instructions.

Mandatory Gerbil Implants

Hey Lovebugs,

I was just talking to Boytanio, (head of scientific advancement department) and he had some very intriguing test results.  You see, I felt the Whalers had very slow team speed.   So I had Boytanio look into ways that could improve our quickness.

First we looked into ways of training our legs into better shape.  So I tied Boytanio to the back of the Lovebug van and floored the accelerator to the speeds of 85mph.  His nibble little caffs scrapped along the asphalt, until i reached a 4way intersection.  Boytanio was covered in bandages for severed months, due to the severe asphalt burns.

Next we research the advancements of vitamins and protein to our daily diet.  We found out that if we added high proteins like (meat, fish, nuts, or kangaroo meat) our muscles would increase in bulkiness.     I felt we already had enough meat, fish, and nuts in our diets.  Boytanio can do amazing things in the kitchen and in the sack if you know what i mean. Wink! Wink! :) :>>>>>>>

So I flew Boytanio to Australia  to obtain high protein kangaroo meat.  I didn't realize that it was Gay Awareness week in Sydney,during  the week of Boytanio's visit.  Distracted by all the extreme international gayness, Boytanio never left the "Bavarian Bear Group" whom snatch him up.

Defeated and dishearten I felt nothing was going to help the Lovebugs team speed.  But when Boytanio came back from Australia, I notice he was squirming a lot, and looked very uncomfortable.

"Ahhh... Boytanio could you go fetch me the paper?" I asked

Boytanio got up and sprinted like a cheetah to the front lawn.  Before I could finish my next "Ahhh..", the paper was in my hand.

I was amazed of Boytanio's speed  that morning
"How did you do that?"

Boytanio raised his shoulders in confusion, and didn't say a word.

Later that night, my sexual ambitions got a little frisky.  I pulled Boytanio away from his late night drinking and force him on the bed.  As I had my way with Boytanio's body, I notice an object lodged in Boytanio's anus. 

"Ahhh... Boytanio! What the hell is stuck in your asshole?"

"Oh, I totally forgot.  When I was in Australia i got a Gerbil Implant in my shooter."  Boytanio explained

"Is that why your so quick and nimble?"  I asked

"I don't know.  All I can tell you is that I haven't take a shit in two weeks."  Boytanio remarked

"Eureka!  That's it.  I'm going to make it mandatory for every Lovebug to get a gerbil implant.  Nobody is going to catch us on the sport-court this season."  I shouted with glee.

"Well, can I get a new implant.  I think my gerbil ate some of my internal colon." asked Boytanio

"Oh Boytanio!"

Lovebugs Summer Season

Hey Lovebugs,

This just came from the Skatezone news wire.

Important dates are May 21 for a $300 deposit, and the total league fee is $2,000 for a longer season of 15games.

So if we have 6 players and a goalie it would be roughly be $293.34 a player

Flyers Skate Zone at Voorhees is pleased to offer our 2010 Spring/Summer Adult Roller Hockey League

General Information

• 15 game season plus playoffs
• Games played Sunday-Thursday
• Team Captain must submit roster and USA Hockey registrations prior to first game.
• Divisions: Silver & Bronze

Rules and Regulations

• All players must be USA Hockey registered
• USA Hockey Inline Rules will apply to game play (please note USA Hockey Inline’s new enforcement of High Sticking)
• Rosters due prior to first game
• Three 15-minute running time periods.

Investment Information (Team Fee: $2,000)

• $300 deposit needed by 5/21/10 (If deposit is not in by this date you will not be put on the schedule)
• ALL TEAMS MUST BE PAID IN FULL PRIOR TO THEIR EIGHTH GAME

Contact:       

Jeremy Hall      

Phone: 856-309-4400 x 2216     

Fax: 856-309-4433

Email: jhall@comcast-spectacor.com

Spring/Summer Adult Roller Hockey League

Contact:      Return Application To: 

Jeremy Hall      Flyers Skate Zone  

Phone: 856-309-4400  x2216    “Adult Roller Hockey League”

Fax: 856-309-4433     601 Laurel Oak Road

Email: jhall@comcast-spectacor.com   Voorhees, NJ  08043

Team Application (complete and return)